What does normal mean to you?

I heard the word normal on TV today and it got me thinking… Normal can mean many different things. Often times it can have a negative meaning to it. Especially when you are told you aren’t normal. I believe when it is used to describe a person or a way of life it is harmful because it is comparing one person to another or group. In the end, who is it that decides the norm? Be yourself. Stand out. Being normal is over rated! 

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Darkness doesn’t stand a chance against LIGHT!

Every time I hear a new story of people spewing their hate, especially when it involves violence, it makes me sick to my stomach. It is one thing to think that being gay is immoral and against god but another thing to promote violence and death! These people are so delusional that they can’t see straight. They are controlled by their fears and ignorance. 

It reminds me of the people responsible for torturing and murdering Jesus. What did Jesus do to deserve being hung upon the cross? It was his love, acceptance and purity that was his crime. What really shocks me is when people do things in the name of Jesus. I want to ask them WWJD??? How could they answer that with a straight face???

If Jesus were around today he would be our biggest champion! 

Hearing people like these pastors spew their hate really triggers my past. I have to continuously remind myself that I am no longer in that kind of environment. Sure my father never said I should be in a concentration camp but he certainly said I was going to hell enough times to make me believe it. The path to heaven was on a tight rope, with nothing stopping you from falling to fiery pits of hell.

Rather than face an eternity of flames, I ran as far away from religion as possible but I also turned away from my spirituality. I put them both in the same ball of wax. At the time I wasn’t able to separate the two. I certainly wasn’t able to not be gay. Denying my spirituality is harmful to me as well. 

It is a shame that people like my dad and these pastors feel the need to spew hate. It is harmful and dangerous. So many of my gay brothers and sisters need the healing, loving energy of our maker but have been turned off by theses wackos… I know I am not alone. My hope is that by me sharing my spiritual journey that it will also help other people who are dealing with the same kind of pain.

We can’t let these misguided people direct and chose our own paths. Love will always conquer hate! ALWAYS! The time has come to hold hand and let our love and light protect us from the darkness! Darkness doesn’t stand a chance as long as there is light! 

 

My Spirituality

So I have really been struggling lately with connecting to my spirituality. With everything going on I have been trying to look to something else for guidance and I just come up empty. 

I still hold onto this (false) belief that when I die, that I will go no where… I don’t quite believe I am going to hell anymore. Though I still think about it. 

I feel very disconnected to my spirituality. I have a sense of what it is. I can say it to other people. God to me is love and light… But feeling that is a different story. I guess my spiritual connectors are all clogged up with pain and fears. 

I know that I am not alone. How many in the gay community struggle with this? How many lgbt people have had their spiritualities taken from them by the people that were suppose to care for them? It is not right and it is a real tragedy. If anyone needs spirituality it is us, for all the pain and suffering we have had to endure. 

We are told you can’t be gay and have a relationship with your higher power. That the two worlds do not exist together. Well I am done letting other people use their fears and ignorance to take things away from me that I deserve…

It is really tough to overcome various things that have sept into your pysche. I have my father to thank for that… 

I use to wonder why I went tough times I went through. I questioned why God would let these things happen to me? I no longer do that. I realize that they have made me the person I am today. I guess I just want to tap back into the love I have inside and give it to myself. God isn’t outside of us, it is deep within is us all..

I also realize that my art is tied to my spirituality, and I have struggled getting that back as well. I just wonder what my purpouse is in it all? I have all these gifts and abilities. I guess I am just unsure how to use them all, especially my experiences… Guess it takes time…

Having a pure heart in a world filled full of darkness is tough. There will be others that will try to steal your light and for a time I let them because that was all I knew. I know realize that light is mine and not something that can be taken. 

I guess I still struggle letting my own light shine. Too afraid of the disappointment and hurt, and too afraid of blinding others. Though I realize the alternative is no way of life. I can’t hide any more… 

I just want to let it all go. All the fears, the doubts, all the pain. It just holds me back. I sometimes just wish I could be the person I really am but I guess it is like my old therapist use to say… You can’t attach a cocoon to a stick and whip it around, and expect a butterfly to come out. 

I just wish I had more faith in my spirituality and higher power, as it would give me some comfort… I am further away from being a victim than I have ever been. I am survivor and I am working on becoming the warrior I was born to be. My heart, light and soul is my sword!