Others baggage is not mine to carry…

I can remember now why I never liked talking about religion because each side is always so polarized. Each side tries to get you to see their side and the only right way is their way…

and if you begin to question things, it starts to rattle the top of their box and that can’t happen…

I understand the need for faith, I really do… When I say things it is from my experience… I would never say you shouldn’t believe in a christian god. I just say it doesn’t work for me… I am tired of people taking it so personal or feeling the need to “save” me…

Each person, has to find their own way… Yes, it would be easier if someone told them it all but that is not how someone learns. It is on their own time.

I will be the first to admit, I don’t have a clue as to what is out there. For me it is about balance and love… I know what God is not for me… That is about the only thing I have figured out. That it can’t be the God my father and others taught me…

The bible is not for me… so stop telling me to read it or giving me quotes from it… I see the bible as history translated through time by man… How can you just pick through the parts you want to believe in… Look for example the old testament. Isn’t that an example that ones beliefs are not always true and/or right???? So why the need to try to push your views on others???

Doom and gloom, doesn’t work for me. Nor does fire and brimstone… Heaven sounds nice but not if there are conditions put on it like a hell… I can see if you are an evil person… but other send people to hell for things like being gay….

And lets not forget, Mythology… So many years ago they believed in many Gods, etc… That was their truth at that time… Now we come to see their beliefs as mythology. What is to say in another 1000 or so years, the same won’t happen to the views of today???

Now granted some people are a lot nicer and put their views in a more prettier package than my Dad did, but to me it is the same message…

I don’t need to find my higher power… That essence is within me… I just need to now, clear up all the gunk from other people… Let go of other peoples baggage, it is not mine to carry…

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At least I am not an Atheist!

Not that I believe there is anything wrong with being an Atheist… but this just comes from my frustration over how some people won’t allow anything other than what they believe in.

I know it is typical with many religions, to only allow for one type of GOD… but if God is the all powerful and all knowing like many make him/she/it out to be wouldn’t he/she/it present itself in a way that he/she/it could reach everyone???

Like for example, the Native Americans? They believed in a very different God than Christians do. Does that mean that all Native Americans are going to hell? I think not!

I have to also believe that my higher power is okay with the fact that I am questioning things or even at times if I am angry…

If a Lilac bush gives me comfort, what is wrong with that? People need to stop feeling they have to save the world, they need to start saving themselves…

My god is not a man. My god is not angry or vengeful. My god is not external…

Love is love… and at least I am accepting my own spirituality. It is my process of healing from something very traumatic…

We can all believe in different things and still live together. It doesn’t make either of us bad…

God has failed me…

I see everyone thanking god and praising him…

and I think to myself where was this higher power when I needed it the most???

where is this being at now???

I keep seeing people comment about how God has helped them… and I wonder what did I do?

My father spiritually abused me to the point where I can’t even hear the word GOD, JESUS, HEAVEN or HELL without panicking!

who does that to a child???

I want to believe in something else… but it is either believe in hell or just be a body in the earth when I die… Neither one seems good…

My life is in turmoil.

I have been in this constant flashback since February and I can’t seem to get out!

It feels like I am dieing inside and I am trapped back to those years when I was a child and couldn’t tell anyone about the abuse…

Like for example, my mom and sister. I desperately want to tell them I am in trouble but I can’t…

I want to believe in a god, that is loving and supportive… but it seems too out of reach… and too much to trust… Because the God that my father brainwashed me to believe in is someone who is not loving. Someone you should fear. Judge and Jury…

So why would I put my all into that? Most of my authority figures, the ones who were suppose to protect and love me, FAILED ME!!!

Why should I believe in something I can’t see, when the people I can see have hurt me???