So I did it. I performed in drag last night in Miss Havana at Havana night club. Something I have wanted to try for a while. The only other time I have dressed in drag was in 2003 and we only went to a club. I didn’t get to perform.
I have to say, that I have never felt more beautiful. After my makeup was done, I kept looking at myself in the mirror and I thought “I look like a Vegas Show Girl”.
Being a a heavy all my life, I have struggled with my insecurities. And I can’t ever say I have believed I was physically beautiful.
Last night I was different.
I felt like going out for Miss Havana was something I had to do. Like a right of passage. Once I decided to go for it, nothing was going to stop me.
I didn’t find out until about a week prior and 6days before the event I hurt my knee. I barely could walk. I forced myself to walk and did whatever I could to heal my knee. I was determined to perform.
It was such a great experience.
I know some people do not understand the drag community and that is their right. I have never been one caught up on gender. For me drag is such an art form, it is entertainment and glamor wrapped up into one.
This was a perfect opportunity for me since it was a camp drag competition. I figured I would play on my insecurities and make a character that loved to eat. Someone that wasn’t afraid to be herself and didn’t conform to what society believes to be beautiful. Someone that promotes loving everyone, regardless of their size. That beauty comes in every shape possible. Big is beautiful!!!
I have always loved theatre, especially musical theatre. I use to have a dream of being on Broadway but gave that up. I went from loving being on stage to being frightened of it. I will admit I was nervous as hell prior to going on stage. The place was packed and all the lights were on.
My number started and there i went… My first bit was to Chris Farly in the Gap Girls SNL skit about fries. I bought some wendys french fries and started mowing down on them not thinking about having to continue to lip sync. Yeah, cut to me almost passing out from choking on a combination of the fries and my wig. You know that feeling when you have something stuck in your throat and your afraid your going to choke? Well that was me during my whole number, at one point I almost had to stop performing but I wasn’t about to let choking stop me!!
I will have to admit I was rather bummed afterwards. I honestly do not remember my number after I started to choke, which was most of the number. For all I knew I was up there just choking and not lip syncing. LOL Rather than concentrate on my routine, i was thinking please don’t choke to death. I felt a bit robbed, because I didn’t get to enjoy the number and I felt like I ruined my chances of ever doing it again. I was letting my negative thoughts get the best of me. Finally I just let it go, and laughed at myself. I have come to learn things don’t always go as you plan them. We have the best intentions but things happen.
I also realized it was my first time and with everything it takes practice. I wasn’t going to let it from ruining the experience. After finding out I did good, I was relieved. For all I knew I made a complete fool of myself. LOL 🙂
I didn’t win but it doesn’t matter because I am already a winner.