I have heard this attitude sometimes that boys will be boys… or that it was kids exploring… Well for me it wasn’t exploration. It might be easier for others to acceptย the molestation as something more natural than what it really is and that being ABUSE…
This is a subject that makes me RED with anger… I just want to scream. To me it is another way for people to desensitize sexual abuse… They can’t deal with the fact it happens so they justify it by saying it’s just kids being kids… I have heard my aunt say things like that and it kills me!
I read a post on a website for male survivors, that triggered me so deeply I felt like I wanted to scream out loud…
That a child who abuses another child doesn’t really know right or wrong, so they really aren’t guilty…
I was molested at the age of 12. It was the summer of my 6th grade year (would have been 7th grade, if I had not been held back). Even though I didn’t know what was happening to me (i had never had sex or even masturbated), I knew it was wrong! So how could I know it was wrong and not my cousin who was a year older????
I use to hate my cousin. I would hear his name and I would have a melt down. I avoided family functions afraid that I would run into him… While I can surely sympathize with the fact that he was molested by my other cousin Daron, I can’t just let go of the it due to the fact he was a child as well…
I might can forgive his child-self but not sure I can forgive the adult who he has become. Someone who not only denied it happened by said I was drunk when I confronted him over the phone…
Not only does a survivor have to deal with the pain from the abuse but also the stigma and denial from others in regards to the sexual abuse…
The age difference was one of the reasons I didn’t tell anyone for so many years. Plus the fact that he was the same gender and my cousin, caused me to keep it a secret for so many years. If I had been abused by an adult, I might have felt more comfortable to come forward…
Regardless of the age of the abuser, it doesn’t lessen the pain to the victim!
Abuse is abuse, plain and simple.
I have been torn with this idea that my abuser was also a child when he molested me. I know he was molested by my other cousin and I can be sympathetic for what he went through but in the end even as a child he made a choice… Many kids are molested and do not repeat the cycle. I didn’t but he did… I understand that being molested can alter your sexuality but even with me being molested I knew it was wrong to do it to someone else!
So why could I at the age of 12 know it was wrong what he did to me, and him at the age of 13 not know it was wrong?
Regardless if someone is abused by another child, it is still wrong! Even a child is held accountable when they do something wrong. If they steal or physically hurt someone else, they can be arrested and taken to jail. So why doesn’t the same apply to sexual abuse?
Maybe the punishment shouldn’t be the same as for an adult perp but the pain that is done to the victim, is still the same! Others who try to lesson the guilt of the abuser because they were a child, only belittles the victim and his/her pain…
And I am tired of letting it happen! So I will keep voicing my opinions until I have no more breaths of air to gasp… Silence and denial are harmful to all involved.
Yes, he was a child but that doesn’t take away from the fact that it was wrong and he was the one at fault… I didn’t do anything to deserve it or the betrayal from my family. The days of hiding because of others shame and guilt are over!
I have a right to my anger for not only what happened but the negligence of my family for hiding it for so many years. Pretending like nothing ever happened, when so many children were left hurting and still hurt to this day… The elders of my family taught me that they wouldn’t believe what happened to me or do anything about it. Look how they responded to my cousin Daron? Look how his mother (my moms sister) responded to my mom when she confronted her about the abuse of my sibling. My aunt didn’t talk to my mom for a year! He abused over 10 children and no one ever called the authorities.
They knew he was a monster and they let him wander amongst us all, like nothing happened…. and these are the same adults who judge me for being gay and speaking my mind! Plus certain people like my grandmother think both my cousins are the victims. I have never done anything to that woman, to have her treat me the way she did. She pretends nothing ever happened!
Daron has never gotten help, nor has he ever admitted to anything or been remorseful. So how can others in the family live with the fact that this monster is out there to prey on other children???? I am sorry a child molester doesn’t get better on their own, especially one as slimy as this one! How many lives could have been saved if one person had the strength to stand up? How many more lives will be destroyed?