Firework

So it has been a while since I have blogged and I thought it was time to post something. Life has gotten better and I couldn’t be happier about that. I can’t say life is easy but I now have light back into my life.

About a month ago, I started a new job. It has been a daily battle working. I had gained a lot of weight with the depression and am not use to being on my feet for long periods of time. The first two weeks were brutal. It has slowly gotten better. I am not going to lie, there are days at the end of a shift I feel like my legs are going to give out but I am determined to not give up. If I can go through the darkness with no light and blind, I can do this!!!

Today I had noticed a difference in my weight. I jumped on the scale and to my surprise I had lost 20 lbs. I have not weight in the 3o0’s in over five years! I feel very proud to no longer be 400lbs!!!

Things do get better! You just have to hold on…

The one thing this darkness taught me, is how strong I am. It has heightened my sense by a million times. I am also learning to live in the present. The past is long gone and you can only plan so far ahead in your future. So you mise well enjoy the time you have on this planet because you never know when it will change.

I still am working on not taking things personally. I still struggle with falling into the same patterns. I have to remind myself that usually it has nothing to do with me. I use to take everything said or did to me to heart. Like it was a reflection of who I was or how unlovable I was! I now know the difference!

For over a year I went into seclusion and I have started to come out of that shell. I have realized as comfortable as the cave was, it was not serving any purpose to me. The cave was a trap, a prison! I built this wall around me, that even I could not escape from! Sure in life there are risks, but there also great rewards!

Like I said, the last month has been very tough for me physically. Still is… But it is getting easier. I can do things I couldn’t do a month ago, like stand up for long periods without having to sit down. I am also being able to play more with my little niece. Even on the days that I feel mentally and physically drained from work, knowing I am coming home to people who love me, makes it all worth while!

Granted I am not where I want to be but I will get there. Theses are all stepping stones, to get me where I need to be…

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