Today was the first day in a long while where I felt like myself. It’s rare for me to not feel depressed and today was one of those days. It felt nice to feel okay. I’m not sure if it’s hit me yet but the news that I probably won’t get approved for SSI didn’t bring me down, like it usually would. I don’t know if the medicine that’s helping or not but it’s a great relief to not feel like the sky is falling. The last few weeks have been like that. I’m tired of being chicken little.
Part of why today was a decent day is because I brushed my teeth. A month ago I set a daily goal of brushing my teeth. To most brushing your teeth is a simple task but for me it’s the opposite. The judge laughed at this fact, that I would set something so minor as a goal. Bottom line is that he doesn’t have to walk in my shoes. He lives a privileged life and doesn’t have to worry about losing his job. He is set for life. I was doing pretty good at hitting my goal and did so for a good week. Until medicine changes caused my mood to go off the charts. Last weekend I was close to being hospitalized. Thankfully I was able to push through, which wasn’t easy. This was a different type of depressive episode. I felt completely off. I was panicky and emotional, more so than usual. Thankfully my psychiatrist prescribed the old dose and my mood has leveled out.
Regardless of how bad a day is, if I set an obtainable goal then I will feel better about myself. I might not be able to clean my house or shower but I can brush my teeth. Eventually brushing my teeth will become routine. So today I brushed my teeth. Which gave me enough energy to freshen up and put on new clothes. I even took out a bag of trash. It felt good to take care of myself. People don’t realize what it’s like to have no energy. I think not being able to brush your teeth is good indication how depressed you are but many don’t believe you. They think mental health is a myth. That everyone has bad days and because most can bounce back everyone should. Unfortunately that doesn’t work that way for people with major depression.
Looking at the big picture causes me great stress so I’m learning to take it one step at a time, like brushing my teeth. One step will lead to another. So I’m back to brushing my teeth and no matter how many days I stop I can always hop back on the brushing teeth train.
Living a Depressed Life 