FCKH8 f-bomb spectacular

If u can't handle the word "fuck" u probably don't want 2 read this.
i'm just sayin. cause i will B using a lot of Fbombs...

I have to say that the videos made by www.fckh8.com are fucking amazing. If you know me well enough you know that I occasionally will use the F-word…

I love the part of the above video that goes into why many gay teens try to kill themselves:

at school 9 out of 10 queer kids are bullied, beaten and bashed…

lets go to church. jesus loves little children just not the fucking gay ones!

gay teens rejected by parents are 8x more likely to try to kill themselves. if you bully your kids, you bury your kids!

anti gay votes helped slit their throats!

All the above can really work to leave someone feeling defeated and worthless. And if you believe that this is all your life is always going to be, well it is natural to want to ease the pain anyway you can. People don’t realize what all this hate can do to someone. Hate is toxic… Personally I have struggled with thoughts of suicide. I am thankful I have reasons to hold onto life, so many people don’t… You get to a point where you feel so alone and an outcast, that it seems like you have no other choice or way to comfort the pain.

Fuck it gets better. These teens need relief now… They need people to stand up for them in the present day like those in this video… This goes for anyone struggling with the idea of suicide.

Doing nothing is just as harmful as the act itself.

These teens that are bullied probably feel a sense that no one is going to or can do anything to stop the abuse.They feel powerless to stop the pain and abuse. So it doesn’t surprise me that teens are turning to suicide! Especially if you have had to endure anything listed above! If people see others standing up for them and what is right, they might be less likely to do something drastic…

The time is now to fucking stand up! These souls need human connection, not judgments! It should be about fucking LOVE, not hate!

And anyone who says anything cruel or has no compassion for those who kill themselves are FUCKING insensitive pricks. Especially anyone that has the fucking nerve to call someone who committed suicide a coward. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THE FUCKING COWARD! You obviously have not struggled a day in your life. A little fucking compassion goes a long ways! You don’t know who in your life may be thinking about suicide. You don’t want your attitudes about those who commit suicide, stop them from coming to you for support???? So just FUCKING remember that!

If you love the message of FCKH8 and want to help make a difference, buy a tshirt from them!!! The “FCK BULLIES” video is raising funds for queer youth suicide prevention. Organizations like the Trevor Project will benefit from the sales. Their video “FCK PROP 8” has raised over $200,000 for the marriage equality fight! FUCKING ROCK ON!!!

If you are offended by this I FUCKING DON’T CARE! get the fuck over it. ūüôā


So I am questioning religion, god and everything else. So what??? How does that affect everyone else?

Are you so unsure about your God, that anyone questioning things might make your box come¬†unraveled…

I think the thing that is most upsetting to me, is when it comes from people I thought were friends… I mean I understand if it comes from one of the countless drones of the world but someone I thought I could trust… and I even let it go, I didn’t remove them as a friend… Yet, they kept feeling the need to set me on the right path…

and what do they do? They remove me as friends from FACEBOOK!

Well that’s fine. Just goes to show how tolerant you were. You spoke about love but all you were trying to do was control me and my ideas…

Two people can have different ideas and views, and still live peacefully… Though the world tells that is not the case… Well I say whatever… What happened to the idea of humanity, compassion and love???

I get people have their own set of issues, trust me I do… and you can think what you want about me? That ¬†I am a fuck-up, lost or whatever word you want to describe me??? But at least I am not one of these zombies that continue to¬†bury¬†their heads in the sand…

With that I do feel a sense of calm… I can see that I am growing… because I am not taking it as personal as I once use to… Now that might not be apparent from my post here but I have changed… I was able to look past her need to set me straight and see her heart. The person who has been nothing but nice to me. Just makes me sad. I thought she was a friend, I guess I was wrong…

That deals with my next topic trust. Something I have struggled with for a while. How can you trust people… because just when you think you have people figured out they throw a curve ball your way! I have this habit of settling and taking on others baggage… There comes a point where it is not compatible for us to know each other but I keep the relationship (romantic and platonic) because I have the ability to see the good in people. Which is great but I tend to overlook the bad…

Well that day is done… I want people in my life who are compassionate about the world around them. That have hearts and aren’t afraid to show it… That realize that changing the world starts in your own backyard…

Depression doesn’t wait until Monday!

I just saw a clip from Oprah’s interview with Maria Osmond and it broke my heart. I think I would have been a sobbing mess if I would have seen the whole episode.

Every time I hear of someone killing themselves it always breaks my heart. I feel for their pain and the feeling that death is the only option to ease the pain.

I personally have seen the pain of what it does to the family and friends. My sister had a guy she dated who committed suicide and it broke her heart! She blamed herself.

I am not going to lie, I have thought about suicide. I never really wanted to die, I just wanted the pain to end. There comes a time when you get tired. If you feel things will never change, you chose the only option that will stop the pain…

Depression is horrible. It’s very crippling. It is like a shadow that tries to take hold of you. The larger it gets, the harder it is to get away from it.

Regardless of who you have in your life, you feel alone.

Hopefully with people like Marie talking about suicide and the tragedies of the gay youth killing themselves for being bullied people will intervene when they see someone who is in trouble.

I am very thankful for my nieces and nephew. In my darkest hours, they were my light. So many people don’t have something to hold on. Plus I know the pain it would cause my family if ¬†I did commit suicide…

Though this bout of depression, the light was very dim and that scared me… I think it is when I started to reach out a bit. I was afraid my depression would get so deep that I wouldn’t think about the love my family had to give me. It is very easy to get blinded by the darkness. It is like you have blinders on and all you can see is the pain.

I have dealt with depression most my life. There as been times when it has been more tolerable. The last time I hit rock bottom was in 2004. It was the first time I really dealt with the sexual abuse. Those two years were some of best and worst times in my life. Healing is a process. It is like an onion, there are many layers. You can’t just whip around a¬†cocoon¬†and force the butterfly out! It has to happen naturally and when you’re ready.

I met a very amazing lady who was my therapist for over a year but it got to be too much and I ran… and I have been running ever since…

I didn’t believe I deserved anything wonderful, so I self destructed and went inward…

Sure I have tried to come out into the world since then but when ever I get disappointed or hurt, I go running back into the shadows.

There have been times that I have felt so alone… I just wanted someone to talk to but felt I couldn’t reach out (or burden) to someone!

Depression plays games with your mind. It tells you lies.

Those who are thinking about suicide, there are signs!

Don’t wait for the person to reach out to you because it might be too late…

Sometimes people reach out in other ways that aren’t always so obvious. If you see someone in trouble, DO SOMETHING! They might get mad at you but it is important they see people do care! If it saves a life, does it really matter if they get mad?

I wish there wasn’t still such a stigma in regards to Depression. The bigger cities have great resources when it comes to getting help especially if you are LGBT but if you don’t live in a big city it can be not as easy to find the help you need. Especially if you don’t have insurance or the money to pay for therapy.

I am thankful that I have had the strength to reach out and that I have the support of my family. If it weren’t for my Mom, Sister, Scott, Paige, Peyton and Grace I don’t know what I would do!

They have allowed me to come back home. Given me a safe environment to heal.

I can only hope that those who are dealing with pain/depression will have someone reach out to them. Sometimes all that someone needs is a little comfort and someone to listen to their pain…

If you know someone who is thinking about suicide here are some resources:

1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) 


If you know of a lgbtq youth who is in trouble have them reach out to the Trevor Project.

The Trevor Project


866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386) 

Words do damage…

I wasn’t surprised to hear of that a school board member from Arkansas has wished for the suicides of all gay people. Nor was I was surprised to hear this bigot say this “I also enjoy the fact that they often give each other aids and die”! Such hatred and loathing, and to think he is a school board member.

Bullys come in any age. They don’t just have to be teenager classmates.

People don’t realize how damaging words can be. When I first came out in 1995, one of the many hateful things my father said to me was “That I was going to get AIDS and die alone”! He also told me that I had always wanted to lose weight and I would from having AIDS.

It has been 15 years and those words still affect me to this day. Plus being told over and over that your going to hell, can fuck with your self esteem.

After hearing these individuals spout such hatred, no wonder so many gays are killing themselves. Plus on top of that all the hate crimes that still occur. Bullying is not a behavior that you are born with, it is learned. So these teens that are doing the bullying, have had to get it from a parent or someone else close to them.

I am surprised when other gay people are so insensitive with those who are killing themselves by calling them pussies, etc. Anyone that kills themselves are tortured souls. A little compassion goes a long ways. I often wonder if these people have gone through a tough time or been constantly beat down by others?

If you are constantly told one thing, you start to believe it. Especially if your world is surrounded by negativity or if it comes from someone like a parent. It does damage that takes many years to heal.

I do think it is great that hate is starting to become very unacceptable. These people need to be called out. So do the adults who sit back and do nothing. Look at that school in Mentor, Ohio where at least four students killed themselves in a two year period. So many people don’t want to get involved for various different reasons. It is great finally this is getting the exposure that is needed and hopefully more people will start to stand up!

“A strong man stands up for himself, a stronger man stands up for others.” The Barnyard Movie