The Fear is Real

If you’re on facebook or any other social media the days after Trump won (not fairly) the election you saw your fears come to life. If you were half of America (or at least those who voted for Hillary) you knew what was at stake. That’s why so many of us were shocked because we couldn’t believe in a world where such a hateful person could become President. So when Trump kept winning states you saw your fear grow. For me, it grew to the point where I was in the middle of a massive panic attack… full meltdown mode.

Having lived in a world full of hate growing up I knew what was at stake and what it would mean if Trump was elected. I had first hand knowledge what that kind of hate does to your soul. It rips you apart like a forest fire. That kind of hate leaves nothing behind but a blackened skeleton. That’s what many of us are fearing from a Trump Presidency.

The day after the election it was very clear that our fears were justified as the news of people already being at the end of hate from the supporters of Trump. From swastikas spray painted on buildings in NYC to actual physical altercations with Trump supporters. On Wednesday,  a female student at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette was beaten, robbed and had her hijab ripped off by two men. Trump winning has given his supporters validation that their racist, discriminatory beliefs are just and apart of making America great again.

It’s only four days and we have enough examples of hate in action to fill up a book. Gay people are being harassed more. Anyone who might look hispanic is told to go back to Mexico. Disabled people are being called the R word. Muslims are being targeted, so are African-Americans. Anyone who doesn’t look like a Trump supporter is a target. Trump winning gave them an excuse to remind everyone that they’re going to make America great by going back to a time where black people were segregated, women belonged in a kitchen and gay people were forced to stay in the closet. How far back do they want to go? Back before women could vote or to the days of slavery.

We live in a time that’s more progressive but this election is proof that there are millions of people stuck in the 50s. They feel they’ve been left behind when in reality the one one to blame for being stuck is themselves. Change is a part of life and if you don’t move with it you’ll get left behind. Those who want to make America great again have felt out of control seeing all the changes that they don’t approve of, that go against their God/religion. Marriage equality was the last straw for these people. So of course the only choice was to vote for the man who’d save them. They’ll quickly learn that Trump was never on their side, he just used them. What will they do when they find out that he’s not going to build a wall or doesn’t reverse marriage equality?

It goes much deeper than fearing for our safety and lives because a Trump presidency will make our lives much harder. We might be safe for now but the laws that Trump passes will make many people miserable including his supporters. I know a lot of people are saying that not everyone who voted for Trump are bad and that’s probably true but the fact remains that millions of people voted for Trump in spite of all the bad things he’s said and done. They were so willing to look past all the bad and what it would mean to minorities in order to not change their world. When in reality Trump isn’t the savior they’re looking for. Trump is like the dragon version of Republicans. He was loud and fiery but he wasn’t much different than most Republican politicians. Trump was created by the Republicans he’s the effect.

Trumps followers were led by fear like the pied piper. I know what it’s like to be led by fear. I grew up in a Southern Baptist family which was all fire and brimstone. Being gay was an abomination. During my teenage years I had this reoccurring nightmare of the end of the world and my name would never get called to go to heaven. This is what fear based teachings do, they brainwash you into believing whatever is told to you. So if you grow up in that world it’s hard to overcome it especially if you’re one of the black sheeps.

Fears are based on falsehoods. The longer you hold the fear, the larger it grows until you become the monster. My family is full of them. They have this way of thinking where the path to heaven is only for the few and if you don’t live life the right way you will burn in flames forever. Talk about being scared out of your mind as a child. The bigger the fear the person has the more they try to convince everyone else that they’re right. My father is a prime example. Growing up he would use to corner people trying to preach the word of God to them. It didn’t matter what the function was he’d go out of his way to save someone. At my cousin’s funeral he preached at my sister’s best friend. Yet if you looked inward to his own life you’d see that he wasn’t living by example.

Still to this day he’s the same way. He’s the typical Trump supporter. His facebook wall is full of hate. I recently had thought of giving him another chance. He even apologized to me a few years ago about how he approached Jesus with me. I was foolish to think he had changed. Seeing how he went on about Trump just reminded me why I stayed away from him. He’s toxic and it only means pain for me. He’s just one of many in my family. The election this year has been extremely triggering for me because the people Trump spoke to was my family. Family is suppose to protect you and lift you up, not vote against your rights and safety.

The greatest satisfaction has been knowing that I was able to get away from that hateful world. I have worked hard the past twenty years to get away from it and it hasn’t been easy. During my darkest days I had to remind myself that I had gotten away from that bad place. So to have it come crashing back around me when Trump won the electoral votes just devastated me. It felt like the ultimate defeat that hate won. The world became very scary knowing that millions of voters didn’t care if I had my rights and safety taken away. It’s bad enough when strangers do that to you but when it’s your own family it’s especially devastating. So not only did I grow up in a family full of hate I now had it validated by Trump’s supporters.

As scared as I am and stunned that I live in a world where he could be our President I can’t let that get in the way of my fight. The difference between now and then is that now I have this inner strength that I didn’t realize I had. I’ve had so much taken away that I’m willing to give anything else away anymore. I have this fire in me and I will fight anyone who tries to take away my rights and the others around me.

So bring it on Trump and his army of hate. I’m ready and so are the rest of us. If you think you’ll have it easy you will learn very quickly that you shouldn’t have messed with us. If we don’t fight for what’s right they will really win and we just can’t let that happen. America is already great because of the diverse population.

Just because when they go low, we go high it doesn’t mean that we won’t fight for our rights. So my brothers and sisters the time is now to prepare for January. Keep on letting your voice be heard. I know so many are wondering how they can help. One way you can help is by attaching yourself with the organizations that will come at risk during a Trump presidency like the ACLU, Sierra Club, NAACP, etc. by volunteering and donating to them. They’re going to need all the help they can get.

We need to keep up the protesting. My hope is that they will grow and take over more cities. We need to send a clear message to the world and the haters. A lot of people are scared including the rest of the world. Trump will be bad for everyone but the rich. If there isn’t a protest in your city/town form one. All it takes is a group of people gathering in public. We can’t give up now. The fight has just began. It’s going to be a long four years.

There are protests being held all over the country including overseas. A lot of them are organic and just happen at the spur of the moment. I’ve created a website to help mobilize the movement. To find protests visit:

http://www.lovealwaystrumpshate.org

https://www.facebook.com/lovealwaystrumpsh8/

If you know of a protest that’s not listed please let me know and I will add them. Hang in there everyone. Love will always prevail. While we might have lost the battle we will win the war. We have love and light on our side. Don’t ever forget that!

Huggs

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Joel Osteen’s Mixed Messages

So I have always felt indifferent when it came to Joel Osteen. My mother loved watching his sermons on television and why wouldn’t she with his positive, uplifting sermons of love but they always left me feeling less… knowing how he felt in regards to being gay. I’ve felt his message of love was only for those who weren’t gay.

Now it has come out that he believes that God accepts gay people and that they can get into heaven but he still compares homosexuality (his terms) to sins like negativity, pride, etc. These are all behaviors and actions that one could reasonably change unlike being gay which contrary to other’s beliefs being gay is something we are born with. I’ve always though why would a gay person chose a life full of ridicule, persecution and hate???

Now many of you might believe that Osteen is gay friendly, especially with hearing him say that God accepts gay people but what is important is to look past this message and listen to other many things he has and continues to say about gay people. Like for example gay people “aren’t God’s best.”

He can preach a message of love all he wants but it’s only if you ask God to forgive you for being gay… and then you will be worthy of God’s love… This is a very mixed message and one that can’t only but make you feel less if you’re gay.

In an interview with Pierce Morgan Joel Osteen stated that he would not marry a gay couple, as it went against what the bible taught. Osteen’s wife responded to Pierce asking her if she would attend a gay wedding in which she replied if she had the time.

There are some who are very vocal in their hate towards gay people and I’m not saying that Joel hates gay people but I do believe his message sends a wrong one into this world… especially to gay people. Indifference is just as harmful as hate.

While Joel Osteen is different from many pastors that preach intolerance and hate on the  pulpit, he still is saying similar things outside the church and in the public eye that other pastors preach about on the pulpit… he’s just less vocal and packages it a sugar coated candy shell.

Personally I don’t need man to tell me that God accepts me, nor do I need him to tell me that God loves me… I’ve lived most of my listening and believing man’s lies about God. I’m at the point now where I am learning to break way the hold that their lies had on me. It’s taken me over twenty years to come to this revelation. I still struggle daily with my beliefs and my spirituality, and while I don’t quite know what I believe in I do know what God is not… God is love… Being gay is not a sin… and those who believe otherwise are blinded by their ignorance and fear.

Joel Osteen and other’s like him are missing the point of Jesus’ message was. Jesus was the champion of the oppressed. He was killed for what other’s viewed to be like a sin. It is no different than how others treat the love gay people share. So many get caught up in the semantics of what two men or women share but what they miss is the bond has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with love.

With so many children growing up feeling less for being different, gay and straight, the true messengers of the world have a duty to life them up… not tear them down. While Joel Osteen doesn’t tear gay people down, he surely doesn’t life us up either! Gay youth are killing themselves because others lead them to believe they are bad and there is no way for them to survive in a world filled full of hate.

With the invention of the internet we are constantly inundated in messages, many of them very negative and harmful. You can hear a hundred positive message but it only takes one strong to tear you down. Gay youth grow up hearing others share their hate towards gay people and many of them go home to the same kind of hate. If you are constantly beat down eventually you learn to not get back up.

Joel Osteen could be the hand that helps these beautiful children up, yet he chooses to turn his back. When you have lived your life faced with hate, you get a clear understanding when someone is uncomfortable with someone being gay and how they feel deep inside. Yes some of his message is positive and some not so positive but for me it’s what he doesn’t say that gets me the most.

I look at it this way:

If Sin=Bad and Gay=Sin then Gay=Bad

No matter how you look at this formula there is no way to not feel bad about it because when you say that being gay is a sin, you are saying being gay is bad.

A sin is defined as an immoral act considered to be a transgression against divine law.

So therefor those that believe that being gay is a sin believe that it’s immoral and against divine law. How is that suppose to make me and anyone else who is gay feel good? Osteen believes gay people can get into heaven if we confess our sins and ask for forgiveness. You don’t have to hear him say this because in order to get into heaven you must ask for forgiveness, if you go by the teachings of christianity.

Why would God need us to ask for forgiveness when he made us this way? There evidence that being gay is a choice but there is in regards to being born that way.  All it does is make people feel less for something they can’t change.

It makes me sad that people like Osteen miss the mark. His message doesn’t apply to you if you’re gay and there’s anything anyone can do to convince me otherwise. Megachurches are big business and Osteen is a smart businessman. Until the day I hear Osteen change his views on being gay is a sin, I won’t change my views.

Where Is God At?

I have seen some posts in regards to people praying for the victims of the Oklahoma tornado’s and my first reaction was disgust but then I thought about that feeling they were having. It made me think about my own questioning in regards to the various bad things that have occurred in life. Like why do bad things happen to good people? Why doesn’t God intervene to protect his/her children?

If I really start to think about it, I can get really angry. There is a great injustice of living in a world where we are told there is this high power who created such wonderful things in seven days and then have that same power stay silent. I guess in a way it triggers my own insecurities about a father figure never being there for me, never protecting me that way I needed.

Of course I am no longer a child and have learned in life that it is only I who can protect myself and I think that is the tragic flaw of religion… is that it passes the buck to some external force, when all along the power has been within in us. This beautiful and wonderful force isn’t outside of ourselves, it is deep within. I also feel that is why the world is in such a discord. You have those who have a lack of regard for anything beautiful, loving and full of life. People who have turned off their own inner humanity and have learned the only way they will get anything is by force. Then you have those individuals who are so out of control they use this idea to keep their fears at bay and in order to keep them safe they feel the need to save everyone around them…

As a gay man I have been severely turned off by religion for many different reasons and by doing so I also turned off my own inner spirituality. That is the true loss of it all and those who feel the need to preach their message and save the world. They cause such harm that they scare away those that need the light the most.

When tragedy happens it is natural for people to come together and pray… I also think it is natural for others to feel anger too. I am not discounting prayer at all and I believe in the power of the energy behind it but I also think it takes more than prayer, it takes action. It is sad that it takes tragedies like Oklahoma for people to come together. What about all the other days in between? Have we lost our sense of humanity. People need help every single day of the year but how often do people go without?

Help isn’t something that has to be grand. It can be as simple as smiling at a stranger or calling a friend to see how they are. Help could also be picking up a piece of trash on the street or reaching out to someone who is struggling. For me that is God in action. If you think about Jesus, what was he all about? His message was service and taking care of others. I look at many aspects of this world and I don’t see him in peoples actions, though I hear his name spoken quite often.

We live in a fast paced world these days, where many people don’t want to be troubled. They don’t have the time or the energy. So many people just hide behind the crowd. Look how many people look at the homeless and I am not talking about the people on the street corners asking for money. People either don’t want to get involved or they just don’t care or they are waiting for the person to ask for help. Well sometimes the person isn’t strong enough to ask for help.

Today I watched this video of a courageous young man by the name of Zach. At the age of 14 he found out a he had a rare form of Cancer. He didn’t let the news that he had terminal Cancer stop him from living a full life. Honestly I think he lived more in the three years, that most people do in their whole life. You didn’t have to know Zach to know he was filled with the essence of God. He glowed with so much love, life and spirit. His mission in life was to just make people happy, to make them feel loved. In a short period time he touched so many people, it transcended the globe.

Today he passed away. Zach is an example of what life is really about, love and happiness. His love was infectious and even Cancer couldn’t kill that. Though I don’t think the news of him having Cancer and that he would die really changed who he was, other than that he probably embraced it more. I will admit I wish I was more like Zach, so unafraid of living. I mean we all are terminal, we all will eventually die but even I get bogged down with life. We lose our will to fight and become zombies looking for our next feed.

I have been on both ends of the spectrum when it comes to God. I have doubted and questioned him/her/it… I have felt the grace of God as well, usually when I have met someone else. Many are taught to question God is unholy and not natural but I don’t believe that to be true. I think it is our duty to question anything that doesn’t seem right and outside of the message of love.

There is so much that I don’t know and I don’t begin to act like I know anything, especially when it comes to this universe. I don’t know why Tornadoes happen or why people are taken before their prime. Why do humans hurt children and why do they get Cancer? Is this world a test or a punishment. These are all things that I have thought about during my time on this planet.

The only thing I am confident about is love. This world can never have too much love and care. I see what the absence of it does. It causes war, murder and hate. Will you be the person who reaches down to help someone up or will be the type of person who just walks right by… or even worse keeps them from getting up.

As someone who has a big heart living in this world can really cut you up, if you aren’t careful. It is so easy to put a big wall around your heart and become jaded. I have been there and done that. I wasn’t getting hurt but I was just as miserable as before. I see the world and believe we are constantly at War. I look at the world and see so many wounded people, not wounded by guns or bombs but by hate, words and judgment.

Words can cause just as much damage as any gun, knife or bomb, especially if it’s constantly repeated to you. Just look at the various social media outlets, advertising and news organizations. Just look at the CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch’s attitudes towards overweight people. Think of the damage that those words do to children that hear them. In a sense corporations are telling the world that if you don’t fit in that image, you have no worth. This is just one example and these kinds of things happen because we allow them to. It all trickles down and effects everybody, especially our children who are our future.

In the CEO’s message could love be found anywhere? Other than the love of the all mighty dollar and that is what it comes down to. The value of the dollar has been put above humanity. Just look at our health care system. Those that need help are often turned away or go broke in order to heal. Where is the love in that?

Then you have those who believe in various causes like global warming, abortion rights and many different worthy causes. They post their causes all over Facebook, they exercise their right to vote and might attend a rally but where are these people in the day to day living of life and those who are in need. My point is that so often people get behind a cause and it is the people affected by those causes who lose out.

Like for example when I tried to kill myself, sure there were people who got involved that day out of concern but where were they before and after? After I got out of the hospital I didn’t hear from many people, especially my family. I don’t say this to make anyone feel bad, I am just using this as an example. I am thankful that I am strong enough now to fight and am working on recovering but so many people don’t have that luxury… So many people are successful in killing themselves. People don’t get involved because either they don’t know how, they don’t want to upset you, they don’t have the time or they just don’t care. So many people fall through the cracks.

I guess I am angry… I have been very angry at God for a while now… and I guess in a sense angry with the humans of this world that sit by and do nothing!!! Wow, I guess this post and this idea has uncovered some hidden hurt I have been feeling. I know in the end it will be me that saves me but every one needs support and love… There are so many people who are like myself who have been kicked down and don’t feel they can get back up. They feel unworthy of any kind of love from God, the world and even themselves. They have lost their will to fight. The longer you are down in that horrible place, the harder it is to get back up… Many just give up and stay in that position or take their own lives.

In the end, I can see why people lose their faith and even become atheists. There was a time that I was close to atheism. While I am still figuring things out for myself and working on releasing my own inner spirituality, I know one thing is for sure. That I am going to continue to embrace love and reach out to those in need.

No Wonder So Many People are Turned off to God!!!

So the whole receipt situation has really got me pretty riled up. I am sure most of you have have seen the picture of the receipt floating around the internet where a Pastor from Atlanta wrote on her bill at Applebee’s, “I give God 10% why do you get 18?” She then crossed out the 18% tip calculated already on the bill. When the Pastor found out that the picture had gone viral on the internet she called Applebee’s to complain saying that her reputation had been ruined and wanted the server responsible fired.

The Pastor got her way and the server who took the picture was fired… After the news that the employee was fired the story went even more viral with many people threatening to boycott Applebee’s. I think many people are angry for a couple different reasons. One of them being the general lack of regards for those who work in the service industry. Many people don’t realize or don’t care that workers make considerably less than minimum wage. Then there is this idea that being a server is easy. If you have ever worked as a server you know how untrue this is. Being a server is tough. You are constantly on your feet moving a million miles a minute while often having to deal with difficult customers. Then there is the times you get stiffed on a tip or left very little.

Secondly people are upset over the whole using God to justify your bad behavior. How often do you see this? If you are gay and live in a religious family you see it fairly often. Look how the gay community is treated all because God says it to be so. Does God really say that behavior is acceptable? I mean where in the bible does it say that it is okay to pay someone less than they are worth.

Sure this is situation isn’t as extreme as some people who are religious but it is just another case where people put God in a very negative light. A friend of mine told me to try not to stereotype pastors because of this situation and my thought was it is hard to not do so when so many you encounter are just like this. I mean look at the Catholic church and how they treat homosexuality. Plus you still have the sexual abuse scandal. Even look at the Boy Scouts of America. I am sure their reasons for not allowing gay people into their organization is fueled by their religious views. They also have had their own sexual abuse cover up scandal.

So with all this information how can you expect people to come flocking to church when the message you send the world is the opposite of love and acceptance??? I mean come on now, no wonder so many people don’t believe in God. Even in Texas a legislator is trying to pass a law that makes ever Senior recite that they believe in God before they are allowed to graduate High School. When people are forced to believe something, many will run for the hills.

Personally I still struggle with my spirituality. I hear these kind of messages and I instantly cringe and pull away. For years I stopped believing in God. The idea of burning in hell for being gay (something I couldn’t change) was just too much to handle, so it was easier to come up with an alternative where there wasn’t a God. There was also a time where whenever I heard someone say God or Jesus I would start to have a panic attack. I know I am not alone.

Honestly it is rather sad and such a loss that so many people are told they are not worthy of our higher power’s love. That to me is the greatest abomination. These people who use God to spread their hatred, discrimination and disgust towards others are really doing a huge injustice to the world. They are so caught up in their own beliefs they don’t realize what they are doing. They feel the only way they will ever feel safe is if they convince the world of their beliefs. They are so lost, that they don’t see that they are the ones who need to be saved.

While I still struggle with my beliefs and my spirituality, these are some things I have come to realize. God is love. God doesn’t care what you call him/her. Yes, I don’t believe God is a gender, or at the very least God is both essences. Church is not required to get into heaven, nor is reading the bible. Church can be helpful for community and fellowship.  Even Atheists believe in love. Love is universal. God is not just some exterior force, it is deep within us… Everyone is worthy of that love. Being of God is being humble, living a life of love and service and not forcing your views down other peoples throats. It is how you treat people into this world that will have more of an impact than the amount of days you go to church, the number of prayers you say and the times you have read the bible. I am not say that it isn’t helpful for some, it’s just that it is not everyone’s way.

Living a life in fear, is no way to live in this world. Fear breeds hatred.

I do believe not everyone in the faith world is like this pastor and others but that is why we need others to stand up for what is right. That is why I created this blog to show others that their is another way, that you don’t have to accept what others have told you about God. For me the message behind God is love. Even when I thought I didn’t believe I still was spreading the message of love. That is the one thing that will unite us all. Personally I am not religious, I don’t go to church and I don’t read the bible. I am deeply spiritual. I am still learning to unearth my spirituality. I struggle daily, though not as much as before. When the these voices are loud and repeated enough it is very easy to get them into your head. They eventually will seep into your belief systems as well. So it takes a good amount of time to heal but I know that I am worth it.

You are too, we all are. So if you are like me and have been at the hand of someone religious spreading their hate please know that you are not alone. Discover what works for you. Take the time to build your spiritual foundation. As you start to sweep away other peoples cobwebs and dust, you will start to see your own spirit sparkle again. You were meant to shine brightly. If your life is filled with those religious types who spread fear and hate, look elsewhere for your guidance. Your world goes much farther than the confines they try to keep you in. There is a world out there with those you believe in love and acceptance, who aren’t controlled by the terms they use to label it.

If you see someone struggling with finding guidance, reach out to them as a fellow human being. Honestly you can do more good in the world by living your life as an example. My beliefs are if you truly are in the essence of God, anyone will be able to feel it. You don’t even have to bring God, religion or spirituality up. For me it is being a good person, spreading love and helping those around me. That to me was the message Jesus was trying to share with the world. Rather than learn from his example, many have turned his legacy into the opposite. They lost the true meaning and have become the people who crucified him on the cross. All because of indifference, fear and intolerance. When it comes down to it they killed him because of his beliefs and the love he had for God and mankind. Isn’t that the same thing many do to the gay community? Sure they don’t nail us up on the cross but they might as well with the harm their hatred causes.

The world could use a lot more love, care and light. Sadly many people don’t believe they are worthy of that. They have been scared away by damaging, fearful messages. I will say it again it doesn’t matter what you believe in when it comes to spirituality, god and religion, if you believe in love, kindness and taking care of others… we are all the same. Even if you don’t believe in God, you have a place in this world. Love is universal. Love is the key and the lock, and it is deep within us.

My impact on the world…

So the last four months have probably been the most difficult in my life. I had to face something I didn’t want to ever want to. The death of my Mama set me into a very deep depression. Losing her has shook me to my core and I have started to question everything in my life.

Depression is very crippling. It is this thick dark cloud that surrounds everything in your life. It is a type of poison that seeps deep into your consciousness. Add a traumatic event to the mix and it amplifies the pain infinitely.

My inner demons tell me things like I am not worth it, unlovable because if someone treated me poorly it must have been for a reason.

Not everyone in this world believes in the power of love. Some have lost sight of it, while others do whatever they can to protect hate. This world we live in is very much a battleground. We are in a war but with unconventional weapons. Weapons that cut deeper than any sword and pierce faster than any gun. All it takes is just a few letters. Words.

When you stand up for others, you are bound to get injured. People will go to great lengths to protect their security, especially when someone comes into their world trying to change.

I have questioned my purpose in life. I have wondered why people haven’t liked me for no apparent reason. For the longest time I took it personal and then I internalized it. Until recently when I discovered that the reasons behind not liking me had nothing to do with me. It was all to do with who they were and the fears/insecurities they lived in.

When you stand up against hate and injustice, especially with those inflicting or covering it up, it is natural for it to cause conflict. People have conformed and gotten comfortable in the injustice. The injustice has became a way of life. It has became the norm. Anyone that tries to chip away at the injustice is seen as an outsider. They project their hate, intolerance and bad deeds on others. That is how they sleep at night.

My Mama was my biggest champion. She was the one person I could go to and know I would receive love. Her death has made me feel like I am dangling in outer space with no net. Without her physical presence it has made this earth a lot more frightening.

Having a big heart and knowing what to keep for yourself has always been a struggle for me. I have always been able to stand up for others and the injustices they have endured but when it comes to me I have always struggled.

When my Mama died, I questioned whether I wanted to be on this planet.

You give your love to others and when you hit enough brick walls you begin to wonder why?

Love should be available to all, yet some feel that it is only for the few.

I have internalized others hate for too long, allowed it to cripple me. Others fears, intolerance and hate was never mine to keep.

Today I was reminded of the deep impact I have on this world by a friend I went to school with. I am still taken back with the kind words he said about me. To have someone recognize and validate who I am and the love/care I give really impacted me deeply. To know that I inspired someone else to stand up for others was huge.

I feel like I am closer to venturing out into the world and allowing my heart and light to shine. A part of me thought that in order to help other people, that I needed to be “cured” myself but today I realized that they go hand in hand. I realized this by watching a movie on The Disney Channel called “Radio Rebel”. This movie had a great message of standing up for what is right and being who you truly are. The story revolved around this shy, insecure teenager that uses this an internet radio show to inspire others and in the process it allows her to embrace who she really is… Her rebel personality merged with her reality and it allowed her to embrace who she really was.

That is what I want to do is embrace who I really am, while inspiring others to do the same. I have realized that when I am able to embrace who I really am, that it allows others the opportunity do so as well.

I just need to find a venue to share my story. I have been thinking about doing a weekly podcast. I have to have faith that God will lead me where I need to go.

Love is the key. It is who I am. I have a message that others need to hear. I believe that is my purpose. It will be how I honor my beautiful Mother and the gift she gave me.

Please pray for my dear friend Kym

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As many of you know my dear friend Kym has been healing from a severe case of Shingles as well as Viral Meningitis. She was in the hospital but is thankfully home recovering. They gave her heavy antibiotics and she is currently on bed rest. Overall she is getting better. She still is having quite a lot of pain from the shingles and is having light sensitivity due to the Meningitis.

Kym needs some extra prayers and healing energy tonight as her Meningitis symptoms are worsening tonight. She is having a bad headache, nausea, and severe eye pain.

Kym is the dentition of survivor. She is just like my Mama, a warrior queen. Earlier this year she had a Carcinoid tumor and part of her lung removed, the same surgery my Mama had. A month prior to that she had a full hysterectomy. So she has been through a lot this year and is deserving of some well needed comfort.

She has two beautiful young children. Please keep her family in your prayers as well during the holiday season.

Thanks. Huggs

Why do bad things happen to innocent people?

As I woke up to read about yesterday’s tragedy on my Facebook feed I could help but swear out loud in my room. I did it loudly enough that my nine year old nephew came into my room to make sure I was alright… I was so angry I felt like punching the wall, which I didn’t. For the next thirty minutes the only words that came to my mind were fuck, fuck, fuck…

Oh and why??? why??? why??? I couldn’t make any sense of what had happened and the fact that this monster took his his psychotic issues out on poor defenseless little children!!! Now with losing my Mama I was already at a breaking point of anger and wondering why, so this just put me right over the edge.

20 children. 20 pure souls. GONE!!! Just like that…

Obviously this monster had an insurmountable amount of issues but why take the lives of others. If you hate life that bad just kill yourself. Why do you have to bring others down with you, especially those you don’t even know??? I know these are all rational questions for an insane person.

It is ironic that this happens on the same day I write about the END OF THE WORLD… Well when something tragic like this happens it makes me question are we at the brink of something? It is scary to think of.

For my brain to wrap around that we live in a world where nut jobs will take multiple guns into public places and start playing their own version of a shooting game. It makes me want to pack things up and go into hiding. My heart can’t take that there is that much evil out in this world.

Then you see the various responses to the tragedy mostly sympathetic and heart breaking.  There are those who feel that this tragedy happened because God is punishing us. I saw a picture floating around that says this:

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It is hard for me to believe that there are those that believe 20 children were killed because the USA won’t allow school prayer??? Like seriously are you arguing that the blood of these poor innocent children were because God was trying to teach us a lesson? It goes back to this idea that some believe that God is only available to the few select. If you aren’t white, christian, heterosexual and are literate then you don’t get to go to heaven? In a world filled full of multi-cultured human beings why would go create a vision that was so narrow and restricting???

If anything that this world needs is love. Even atheists who don’t believe in God believe in love. That is universal. Look how we treat each other. Let’s start with that.

Then you have the other extreme who put down those who are praying for the victims and families, etc. Here is picture I found on facebook related to that:

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Then you have those who are so desensitized by violence that they don’t see the connections and just move on like nothing happened. One of the businesses that I have liked on facebook posted this item available for sale on the same day of this tragedy:

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Personally I didn’t think it was very sensitive to post something like that on a day where 20 children today. Well the person running the Facebook page didn’t see it my way and proceeded to let me have it for saying he was disrespectful. Another person defended him by saying  “the Freddy Krueger statue is a statue of a fictional character nothing more.”

Yesterday was a day when fiction came reality. They just didn’t get the symbolism of this statue.  Sure I get that Freddy is a fictional character but the fact is that violent acts like this one only prove that these characters do exist and the fact that he is holding a supposed doll just in my eyes represents the victims in this case. Violent acts like this are nightmare’s come true. This businesses Facebook page never once offered any support or condolences over this tragedy. Posting a product on a day like this is not only insensitive but very disrespectful to the victims and families, whether the owner wants to see it or not. The country is in mourning, as well as this is a reminder of those survivors of other mass shootings.

Then you start talking about gun control and people really start arguing. People are worried about others taking their guns away.

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In Michigan alone our legislators just approved a measure that would allow concealed guns in our schools and churches. Granted I know if a crazy person wants to kill people they will but why make it so easy for them? Why are assault weapons available to the public? Another picture on facebook said that you can take away weapons but you won’t disarm evil. Sure that might be try but there are things we can do to better protect ourselves.

Like why aren’t schools locked? Granted I live in a small town but I know for a fact that the doors are not locked. Anyone from the outside can come in and out whenever they please.

Sure gun control won’t fix everything but it is a start.

The ultimate goal should be to protect and keep our children safe. We are failing at this and I am not just talking about this tragedy.

Public shootings are becoming a common occurrence. Just this week we have had two of them.

The children and staff who survived will be forever changed. It is the end of the world as they knew it.

I think the polarization of the different sides only causes more harm than good. You have the liberals vs. the conservatives and the believers vs. the non believers. Even in the believer group the various religions are against each other. This is a message of anything but love and acceptance…

Trust me as someone who had religion crammed down his throat as a child and teenager I get how so many people are turned off in regards to prayer and God, but why do to them what so many have done to us. A lot of people are grieving. You don’t have to know any one involved to be connected and feel loss. It is about caring about your fellow brothers and sisters. We might not can agree on much but most everyone believes in love.

Essentially that is what a prayer is… The energy behind it is love.

I struggle to with all these questions. Is there a God out there. Why does he/she allow things like this to happen? Look at Holocaust? Over 1 million children were killed during the Holocaust. With over 6 million Jews being killed during WWII. So I can see why some would stop believing in God. I know I have struggled with my faith.

Then I start to think where do these monsters come from? Are they born that way or are they groomed into the monsters they are today? It is scary of me to think that some people could be born evil. I would like to think of monsters like Hitler were born that why but then that only confirms that true evil does exist. So either people are born evil or life turns them evil, either way isn’t good.

The fact of the matter we need more people to let their own light shine. We are suppose to be the country of the free but look at all we do to take away peoples rights. People are against making healthcare available to everyone. How many people die because they can’t afford to see a doctor? or fear of the cost associated with it. If my Mother would have survived she would have had a medical bill of over 1 million dollars. We aren’t a country that takes care of our people, we are a country of the haves and have nots. You don’t think that doesn’t affect children negatively? Look at our political landscape and elections, all that negativity that is thrown back and force. Plus all the laws being passed taking away the rights of others in regards to women, gay people, etc.

For example the states that don’t allow gay people to adopt or those that do make it nearly impossible to adopt. In a world where so many children go without many things especially love would you restrict two people based on their sexual orientation??? Two Dads or two Moms are better than one, or none… Many children grow up in households that don’t get the love they deserve.

I guess my point in all of this is that we do a lot in this country that represents the opposite of love. We let people know loud and clear what we are against.

Look at our school systems. Bullying has gotten worse. Kids are killing themselves. Many of these children don’t have the support and love they need at home. So what about those who endure the pain and don’t kill themselves? It is logical to think that some might turn the guns on others.

Obviously something is going on.

Sure we can’t protect our children one hundred percent but I believe that we are failing so far. Granted the country is mourning but we need to start to take responsibility for our actions and do what is necessary to protect ourselves.

Fighting will only get more fighting. You get more with love, than you do hate…

We have to come together for our children. We it owe it to them. We owe it to the victims of this tragic massacre, especially the 20 angels who had only started to live their lives. Put aside your petty arguments and think about them. Think about the future we are building for our children.