For the Love of Snatch! All the T and Shade You Can Eat! RPDR Snatch Game All Stars 2 Ru-action!

Spoiler alert… There are bells ringing, can’t you hear them??? This is your two minute warning. The T train will be leaving shortly. So unless you want to get t spilt all over you then you better get off… the train that is… If you’ve snatched this game, then carry on…

Here are my thoughts on episode two. If you’ve not noticed I’m kinda obsessed with the show. Though I think many of us are.  After each new episode it kills me to have to wait a whole week for the next one. Plus with it being on Thursday night now, every Monday I get all excited and then disappointed to remember it’s on Thursdays now. Be forewarned that I wrote a book. So if you make it to the end you get bonus points.

My favs from snatch game were Katya, Alaska and Alyssa. All three were funny in their own way. If I was to pick a winner I guess it would be Katya. To do Bjork and make her funny isn’t easy. I do agree with the top 2 picks. Alyssa characterization was missing the accent element for me. Some characters work without the voice but Joan is so iconic that I think think having the essence of her voice is important.

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I was really disappointed in Ginger. She did well but I wanted over the top Tammy. I’m not sure if it was editing or not. Maybe she held back because Ru and Tammy were good friends. Phi Phi also didn’t impress me much. Parts were funny like the changing the answers but parts fell flat. It was more cute funny and not a laugh out loud funny for me. I felt bad for both Tati and Roxxy, as they failed big time. The thing about snatch game you gotta have quick wit and unless you have a flawless characterization you’re going to fall and big. Not everyone is able to think on the moment of funny. Like I don’t see either of them as comedy queens so that means they gotta work harder. Arianna was too close to Britney. It worked for her the first time but you can’t do the whole play dumb characterization twice as both singers are similar. and Nancy Grace, she’s just not funny. lol Poor Detox. Im guessing this was taped before season 8. She did a lot better than Acid Betty but I was like girl… Nancy Grace is just a loudmouth to me and I don’t see her translating into comedy that well. Like if you’re going to do her, do it over the top.

I love Snatch Game and was super excited that we got it so early but I did feel like it was a little lack luster this time around. Alaska, Katya and Alyssa were the clear stand outs I guess I always expect more. It could be the editing. I wish the segment would be much longer. It always seems so rushed. When Snatch Game ended I was like I want more… Half the show is the runway and critiques now days. Maybe they only had that much material but it’s hard for me to believe that Ginger didn’t do more? Maybe it was the characters seemed boring to me. I guess it boils down to a choice as Tati would say. Arianna and Nancy aren’t my cup of tea. I don’t find Alaska funny in real life let alone a characterization. If you’re going to do Snatch Game (especially if you pick a boring person) then you gotta go over the top. I didn’t even see that from Ginger as Tammy Faye Baker. I mean come on now. I would have thrown a fit blubbering.

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Again it’s easier said than done. I’ve done comedy before and it’s not easy let alone doing impersonations. Comedy takes a lot of skill and talent. People like Robin Williams make it look easy but it really isn’t. Even great comedians like Margaret Cho fail every now again. With that said if you know comedy isn’t your forte you knowing going into All Stars that you will be forced outside your comfort zone. If you don’t have a person perfected ahead of time then you’re in big trouble if you can’t improvise. I will amend my statement by saying that improvisation is the toughest form of comedy. You have to be quick witted and able to respond to what’s thrown at you. Even if you’ve practiced if improv isn’t your thing you will struggle especially if your character is known for being quick witted. I think that’s why Tatianna did so well her season with Britney. It’s much easier to play dumb, that goes with the setup of improv but that gets old. Snatch Game isn’t the time to try out new material especially if you’re not a comedy/improv queen.


I love Katya but I def thought that Alaska won the lip sync. I didn’t see Katya in her performance and I personally think that she got lost in Alaska’s world. When someone uses you as a prop it’s tough to overcome that. I think she knew that Alaska was going to win and said fuck it I’m going to do my own thing. She was even cracking up at the end. That’s totally Katya.

Runway looks. I’ve come to look forward to these. I never use to see them as competing with the main challenge but these days I think it’s just important. Queens like Acid Betty and Kim Chi have upped the game in the terms of looks. So I look at the runway much differently than I use to. The clear top 3 were Katya, Detox and Alaska. Alaska from head up was the clear winner. Those eyes with her hair was amazing. Her outfit was great too but compared to Detox’s it didn’t compare. Detox look was amazing from head to toe. I loved her take on an Amazon woman. I think her runway alone should have saved her from the bottom 3. Katya was also up there especially because it was so unexpected. How many people would think to do something like that??? She wins alone on originality but I think Detox just edges her out.

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Alyssa’s was look was totally her. I loved the hair, the dress was cute but felt she went too safe. I loved Ginger’s dress and thought it complemented her body well but she was against too much competition in the looks. For a big girl to wear latex and have it look flattering that takes talent.

Phi Phi might have gained some points with her Snatch Game but her runway was horrible especially compared to the others. It was too basic. Where is this queen that I see on 365??? I have yet to see a runway look to floor me like her looks on 365 does. The time crunch isn’t an excuse as Kim was able to make it work. I don’t know if its the runway challenge that throws her off and maybe the bathing suit was the only latex you had but still do something else other than throw some rubber duckies around your neck… and I love me some rubber duckies. At the very least she could have done something really cool with her hair and face. Her face and hair were the worst part of her. I’m starting to question her creativity and is she having someone help her with her 365. Why isn’t that translating to the screen? Something is missing.

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I loved Roxxxy’s look. It wasn’t over the top like the others but I thought she looked great. Stunning actually. I’m a sucker for big hair. I went from not being able to stand her in her season to rooting for her in AllStars. I see the most growth from her than anyone else. Especially when you compare her to Phi Phi. You can tell she’s grown and matured. Tati’s look was basic for me. I didn’t see a lot of creativity to it. I think it was Michelle who said it looked like something from Frederick’s of Hollywood and it did. Though Tati is a fishy queen and that’s her thing.

The bottom three… I was gullible and believed Alaska. So when she said Tati I was like what??? Then I was like okay totally predictable. Rolaskatox is still alive and well. So they obviously have an alliance which is totally apart of the game. It’s like Survivor meets RPDR. It’s going to get cut-throat at the end and I kind of like that. I could see Ginger, Katya and Alyssa forming an alliance. There will be backstabbing, trust me. 100k brings out the snake in you.

I feel really bad for Tati. I think she had the most to prove and the most to lose being that she was in season two. So much has changed and the fan base has spread like a wildfire. So I feel bad as she’s missing out on screen time. Prior to this season I was never really a fan of her. Her style of drag isn’t the kind I like but I grew to really like her this season. She has a wit and is honest. She knew that she was going home. I’m gullible she certainly isn’t.

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Both Tati and Roxxxy shined last week big time so you can see the stardom there. It just happened their snatch game fell flat and let’s be honest Snatch Game isn’t easy by any means. Comedy isn’t every one’s niche. Snatch Game will eat you alive. Personally I feel that Phi Phi should have been in the bottom three just on her runway alone. She had a middle of the road Snatch game. Plus unlike Tati and Roxxxy, I’ve yet to see much from her. She talked this talk of changing but I’m starting to see some things that I don’t like. She has a bitter edge to her and that personality doesn’t mesh well with me. Sure it’s a game and there is strategy but that doesn’t always win you points for being a shark. She’s reining her bitchiness in but you can still see it seeping out. Personality is everything and that will win you points both in and out of the game. Alaska and Katya are game players for sure but they’re likable. Maybe Phi Phi will shine but I’m giving up hope that she’s a changed queen.

When I learned about the new twist I was worried it was going to become another heather situation. So I’m curious to see how it plays out. The way it’s done it makes the queens fight even harder to the be the best. Before it was just impressing Ru but now it’s impressing everyone. Plus there’s 10k and a prize in it now for the top. With the level of talent in this group playing safe could very well put you in the bottom 3. So you gotta bring your A game and the rest of the alphabet along with it. Two weeks in a row Katya and Alaska shined. Even Alyssa did very well both weeks. They’re the ones to beat right now. If you’re on point every week and bringing showstoppers you will go far but one slip it could end it all. It’s the best of the best of the best. Ru ain’t playing this season.

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I’m really curious about the twist at the end. You know there are bound to be other twists. This year they’re out for blood. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone is brought into the competition outside the 10. I about flipped out when JuJu turned into Shangela, who I love. Will these queens get a chance to come back into the competition or will they be apart of a drag council at the end to help pick the winner. If it’s the later then how you play the game will affect you just as much. It’s a tricky game of balance which makes for great tv.

As for Adore I saw that coming. It’s too bad but I can’t hold it against her. Yes, it’s disappointing that so many would have loved to have that position but I don’t think she did this on purpose and she probably never would have guessed in her wildest dreams that she’d drop out. Just because they’re experienced it doesn’t make them any less human. All Stars is a totally different game than the regular season. Yes the name of the game is judgment but unless you’re in it you won’t know the power that has on a person’s psyche. Adore has some deep rooted demons and the game became unsafe for her. She could hardly keep it together after just one critique, there isn’t no way for her to mentally handle any more. Adore’s buried her fears and insecurities with her drag and she wasn’t expecting the demon to come to the surface. So she did what a lot of people do. Fight or flight, and she chose to fly away.

The sad thing is eventually it will catch up to her. No matter how far you fly or how fast those demons will always be there to meet you. So from someone who has struggled with my own demons I really feel for her. I wasn’t ever a fan of Adore’s. Just not my style and I always found her annoying but I have a changed view on her. I’m still not a big fan of hers and her music doesn’t do anything for me but I appreciate who she is and the journey she is on. When she channels all of the bad with the good, she will be unstoppable. (I’ve since watched her response video to last night’s episode where she explains what she was going through and someone who’s dealt with a loss recently and depression, I totally get it. Grief and depression can really fuck you up, it alters who you are.)

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Unless you’re on that stage and being judged you will never know what it’s like. It’s so easy for any of us to say oh I wouldn’t do that or they should have done this but unless you’re under the microscope you just have no clue what it’s like. I was hoping that at the end of the episode when Tati left Ru would have said you don’t have to leave because Adore did but this is All Stars and there’s no room for second chances… at least not yet. Again I feel bad because many of this queens have had a lot more spotlight than Tati. I just hope that she was on the show enough to get some exposure.

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My favorites prior to the start of the season were Ginger and Katya. So far I feel Ginger is getting lost in the mix and that saddens me. I hope she has a breakthrough as I just adore her and find her hilarious. So they’re still my favs but I will add Roxxy to that mix. If it weren’t for her attitude I would have loved her in her season. I hope she’s able to recover from the Snatch Game. If anything this season’s proved that the only person standing in your way is yourself. Alyssa I’ve grown to love as well. Prior to this season I didn’t know a lot about her. The season she was on I missed a good portion of it and never got a chance to catch up. She’s hilarious and quirky, and I love that. Plus she’s a great dancer and can put on a show. Detox and Alaska are both solid as well. Alaska was another one who got on my nerves her season but I find her charming and fun this one. Detox is classic Detox. I love her personality. So really it’s anyone’s game.

*****WARNING: Get’s on a soapbox!*******

Phi Phi is the one who is starting to become nails on a chalkboard. She was the only queen who I wouldn’t have felt too bad if she was sent home. That might be harsh but it’s true. Again these are my opinions. Everyone has their favorites and someone has to go home. It’s never fun to see a queen you love sent home so you start to play this bargaining game of who you hope goes home. Like when one of your favorites doesn’t do well then that puts you almost in the hot seat. So I was there with Phi Phi. I feel bad but that’s how I felt. Honestly I was most excited to see her on AllStars because of her 365 looks. I was expecting a total transformation and I just don’t see that both in and out of drag. I don’t deal well with people who lash out, so to see her act out of drag brings some red flags to me. I believe in giving people second chances but if I see similar traits as before it will send me packing. If I don’t like your personality and you’re not bringing it to the stage with your drag then I will quickly exit. I guess I kind of feel duped in believing she’s grown both in and out of drag. Many of her 365 looks are amazing. They’re visually stunning. I could put up with the tude if she had the stunning visual. Like with Acid Betty. Yes, she was a bitch but she owned it and it didn’t stand in the way of her drag.

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I’m not writing her off just yet but if she continues to rub me the wrong way it’s going to distract me from her craft, especially if she doesn’t bring to AllStars what she’s done on 365 which is disappointing. For me to fall in love with a queen who is visual I need something more and if that queen has a bitterness to them then I struggle with overlooking it. I guess I look for queens who are authentic. What you get online and in the show, is what you get in person. Something isn’t matching up for me with Phi Phi. Like I can appreciate what she can do visually online but if it doesn’t translate to her performance in real life then it’s not something I would go to see. Again everyone has their likes and dislikes. I’m kind of a greedy fan. I want it all. I want the visual and the performance. I can forgive some of the visual if they wow me with stage presence. You can only stare at a pretty flower for so long.

Yes, I’m kind of ragging on Phi Phi. I just saw so much on her 365 looks that I was really excited to see her on the show… Even if this was taped before 365 she still should have had that creativity long before it. AllStars is the top of crop. They all know their facing stiff creative competition. So if a person isn’t performing well or doesn’t have a great personality outside of drag, then she will lose fans. Those like Phi Phi and Roxxxy have so much more to prove both to themselves and the fans. So they’re judged on a higher platform, especially how they carry themselves. I’ve been so happy to see Roxxy’s transformation. I hope she continues to blossom.


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I also have to look inward as to what about Phi Phi is rubbing me the wrong way to where I write as much as I did. Part of it reminds me of the people in my life who have been like her. Those who lash out and let their stress get the best of them. Then there’s also the artistic side of myself who hasn’t always shined and half assed certain things in my life. If she is the mastermind behind her 365 looks then she’s obviously talented and creative. I’m just not seeing the same person and I guess I hold her on a high pedestal because of her 365 looks. That made me forgive the kind of person she was on her season. Her 365 looks put her at the top of my fav all times, especially thinking she had grown and was much more than shown. So if I don’t see a breakthrough on the show in terms of drag esthetic and the personality then I will put her back into the category of appreciating their visual but not following them like I do some of my other favorites.

******Get’s off soapbox******

and yes, I wrote a novel! I just love this show and drag queens period!!!

Huggs, Derek aka Puddin Pie (yes, that’s my drag name)

PS. I love the new twist. It adds so much drama to the show. Though I will like it a lot less if my girls get picked off one by one by a cliche I don’t care for. ha ha

If you’re not bored out of your mind, here are my tidbits so far:

1. Why is Phi Phi lately shown in boy drag during promos? Like with the promos below:

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and this:

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Btw, I love this photo of Alyssa. It doesn’t hurt that she’s surrounded by all that delicious man cream, I mean ice cream!

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I know Milk lately has been showing up to events as his boyself. Is this a new trend? Personally when I go to see the queen’s I want to see them in their full getups. Only RuPaul gets to parade around as his boyself. She’s earned it!

2. I absolutely loved Ru’s dress. I’m a sucker for pink! I wish I had a better pic. This doesn’t do it justice. I especially love the pink hair.

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3. I have a love/hate relationship with Michelle Visage. I’ve grown to love her but at first it was hard for me to see past that rough exterior. The fan I use to be would have totally ripped her apart for what she said to Adore. Now I realize she does that because she cares and is trying to push them further. With that said she TOTALLY would make me cry. Like ugly cry. Like Oscar worthy crying. lol


4. I love Ross Mathews. I wish he was a regular judge this season. He’s so witty. I remember when he was an intern on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. I not only want to be him when I grow up, I want to be his bff!

5. Roxxxy’s burlesque performance was amazing. When I performed in Drag it was the burlesque performers who took me in and showed me love. I love when DQ’s do something out of the boxxx. She looks great in a short black wig.

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6. Alyssa is nuts but I love nuts so she’s totally up my alley. I really need to watch the rest of her season. How in the world did I not know that she’s Shangela’s drag mama??? Now it makes sense, Haus of Edwards. Though if the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, what happened with Gia and Laganja? (who I don’t care for at all!!!) Those two must be like the wicked step-sisters but that’d make Alyssa the wicked step-mother… Well she’s crazy enough to play that role.

7. It’s fucked up the amount of hate Adore is getting for the way she looks out of drag these days. There is nothing worse than body shamers. It’s worse than a bad tuck.

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8. Speaking of Shangela, I just knew she would be back in some way this season. I was really surprised she wasn’t a regular cast member. If you could have one queen be a surprise addition who would it be? I think for me it would be Trixie Mattel. I was going to say a queen from season 8 but I think both seasons were tapped too close to each other. I love Shangela so I wouldn’t mind seeing her as well. lol

9. Favorite entrance is probably either Roxxxy or Ginger. I love Roxxxy’s line I don’t care if I’m 300 or 200, I’m always thick and juicy. I loved Ginger’s reveal. Katya was pretty funny too. Though I could be biased since I love Katya and Ginger. Detox looked like a cross between Big Bird and the Chicken Lady on Kids in the Hall. Phi Phi’s catch phrase was pretty cute as well.

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10. CoCo needs to visit the library more often as her reading skills are rusty. Speaking of CoCo. I felt bad that she was sent home. It’s always tough to see someone go home on the first episode. You know how much it takes to get on the show and then to get sent home so early it has to be heartbreaking for the queens.

11. The All Stars at the VMA’s was amazing. My favorite looks were CoCo and Ginger. I’m a huge Madonna fan. I still don’t know who Alyssa, Detox and Katya were. I barely could recognize Roxxxy but maybe that’s because I can’t stand you know who’s. The name we shall not speak of… lol

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12. No matter how hard I try I can’t pop it like Alyssa. I guess no one can. She’s another queen I want to be bff’s with. Let’s be honest I want to be bff’s with most of them.

13. If you were on this season which way would you play the game? Strategically or fair? I think I would try as much as I could to be fair but in the end when the boxing gloves are on that might change. 1ook is a lot of money. That being said I wouldn’t want to be the person to send people home. It would break my heart knowing I was sending someone away from their dreams. So I would make sure to get in the top 2 each week and then blow the lip sync. Sorry, I’m lying… that’s 10k darling, I would work it out. 🙂

14.  What queen am I most like? Probably a mix between Katya, Alyssa and Ginger. I’m quirky and loveable like Katya. I have the wit and saltiness of Ginger. Plus I can dance like Alyssa, well I use to. I’m also a little nuts like her too.

15. Top 3 Predictions: Katya, Detox, Ginger. Granted I’m a little biased by my love for Katgin. I hope Ginger wins it all. She was my favorite in Season 7 and felt she was robbed. Roxxxy could make top 3… So could Alaska. It’s really anyone’s game. It’s so hard to just pick three as I like most of these gals. I picked the three and I thought what about this gal, or that one. It will get to a point where all the queens excel and that’s where lip sync for your legacy will really change the game.

Well I think that’s enough. If you’ve made it this far you get to pick a prize out of the prize closet… but think that’s where Alyssa stores her dummy or one of her personalities, I’m not sure. I just know I hear voices (not my own) and something moving around. I haven’t dared to unlocked it,  so you might get more than you’ve bargained for. If you’ve ever seen the Seinfeld episode with Mr. Marbles you’ll understand my concern.

I’d offer you a donut but do I look like someone who shares his food? 🙂 Anyway thanks for spending time in my shade.

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Making the Impossible, Possible: The Journey to Triumph

Re-Visions Event in NYC

Creating the Tree of Spectacle Triumph has been a journey from start to finish. Just like life creating the sculpture wasn’t easy by any means. Creating this beautiful tree tested my patience, stamina and will. I jumped through hoops and didn’t let roadblocks prevent me from pushing forward. That’s the message in my story is to persevere regardless of what is thrown at you.

This journeyEdit_IMGL3627 started last fall when I entered my rose sculpture in ArtPrize, an international art competition in Grand Rapids, MI. When registration started for ArtPrize I debated entering due to the registration fee. I kept getting messages that doors would open. The messages started off as a whisper but eventually turned into a roar. I really feel my Mom was behind the messages. Even after I registered I kept getting the same message. A month after ArtPrize ended I received an email about a possible commission for an eyewear manufacturer in New York using eyewear material in the piece.

treeoflifeupdatedWhen thinking about a proposal I thought about what I wanted to create. At first I struggled. Then I thought about this tree I first started to create over ten years ago. It started off as an oil painting where half the tree was alive and the other half was dead. It represented the best parts of ourselves and the pain that we endure. The living part was the phoenix that rose from the ashes. It’s taken me many years to realize that I’m not my pain or troubles. The Tree of Triumph is my best, true self.

The inspiration for the original tree was a lilac bush that grew next to my family home. It was my pride and joy. In the spring the sweet fragrance would float throughout my home. I loved that lilac bush. Next to the lilac bush was an old corncrib. One day my father decided he was going to tear the corncrib down. Not only did he tear it down he set it ablaze. The flame was so hot that it bubbled the paint on the siding of the house. You could feel the heat inside the house. The flames were higher than our house.

Once the flames had dissipated all that was left of the lilac bush was a charred out skeleton of what use to be a beautiful, vibrant living creature. I was devastated. My father on the other hand acted like it wasn’t a big deal. It was just a bush to him, not important. He just brushed off my tears like it was nothing.

I thought all was lost. Spring wasn’t the same without those purple, fragrant blooms. The blackened skeleton was a reminder of the hurt my father caused. What I couldn’t see were the roots deep within the ground. Years later they arose from the ashes and life had sprouted again. It took some time but eventually the lilac bush grew to four times the size of its former self. It took a big portion of my adult life to realize the moral of the story.


You can destroy my branches. You can knock me to the ground but you’ll never reach my roots. The roots represented my heart, soul and spirit. It was the first time I regained the power that I allowed others to take. No amount of hurt or pain will reach my soul. So it’s significant that the heart of the tree is surrounded by the roots.

I submitted my proposal and patiently waited for an answer. The date given passed and still no word. I had started to think I wasn’t selected. Another few weeks went by and finally I received word that I was one of seven artists selected. I was beyond ecstatic. My sculpture was going to be displayed during an art show in New York City. It was a dream come true. It’s one of the best things to ever happen to me.

Creating a sculpture using unconventional materials is a complicated, challenging process. It was my first sculpture of this size. The final sculpture was over four feet tall and four feet long. The next six months pushed me to my limit and tested my will. Creating the bark was a very tedious process of hot gluing small piece of frame onto the skeleton which was pvc. This wasn’t your typical glue gun. It was a professional glue gun that carpenters use with temperatures going past 400 degrees. Due to the intricate aspect of the branches, the quick harden time of the glue and the small frame pieces I had to use my hands to attach the pieces. So you probably can guess what occurred fairly frequently. I’m surprised I still have feelings in my hands.

Creating sculptures out of unconventional materials is very physically demanding and the tree was no different. There were times that my hands, arms and legs were covered in burns, scratches and cuts. It looked like I had been a fight with a cat and lost. Towards the end I had so many cuts on my hand that it became very painful to use my hands but I pushed through. Reaching through the branches felt like I was reaching through a briar patch.branches

There were aspects to the tree that were very tedious. Creating the bark was a very lengthy process. At times it felt like I was never finish it. Imagine gluing small pieces of frame to a large area. It was so tedious that it gave me panic attacks. Creating the leaves were also very tedious process due to the number of lenses needed to fill the space. Never in my wildest dreams did I think it would take over 3,000 lenses. Most of these were treated and hand painted. I then had to hang each one to the branches and that part took forever.

Creating the Tree of Triumph meant bringing my inner demons into the light. The tree represented my best self and the darkness was ruthless in trying to stop me. There were times I couldn’t even look at the sculpture because there were parts of me that still believed that I didn’t deserved it. I faced the darkness and once again pushed through.

The tough part of creating a sculpture out of unconventional material is that for a big portion of the time creating it there isn’t a clear defined picture of what the final picture will be. It’s not until the end that you start to see the picture. It wasn’t until I started to add the leaves that I was finally able to see what I had envisioned. It’s amazing how quickly the final picture comes to the surface. It’s like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon.

The art that I create is very time consuming. I like to create little biodomes. My specialty is creating creatures out of the unconventional materials. A part of the design included a little girl swinging from the tree which was based off my seven year old niece. I also included one of the creatures (the frog) from my rose sculpture. It was my way to honor where the tree came from. If it wasn’t for the rose I wouldn’t have gotten this opportunity.

Connie 236The creation of the tree was a family event. My nieces and nephew helped me paint lenses. My seven year old niece was quite the helper. She would come down frequently asking if I needed any help. My sister was my sounding board. Many of the decisions like not painting the bark came from her.  My brother in law was my technical expert and made sure the sculpture was secure during the long trip in a Uhaul to NYC. I couldn’t have created the sculpture without their help so it was really important to make them a part of tree. I had them each sign a lense and put it on the tree. It was my way of honoring their contributions and support. While they couldn’t be there with me in NYC they were definitely there in spirit.

Original Sculpture

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During this whole experience I have felt a strong connection to my Mom to the point where I would turn around thinking she was there. She was one of the person I turned to as a sounding board and I found myself physically turning to her thinking she was there. I strongly believed she brought me this opportunity.

I thought that challenging aspect was done but boy was I ever wrong. Originally it was my understanding that the sculpture would be crated. With over 3,000 lenses the sculpture was extremely heavy, at least over 200 pounds. The shipper just wanted to bubble wrap it and cover it with a furniture pad, and throw it on the truck.

cocoontreeI had spent the past six months (over 1500 hours) in creating this beautiful creature and I wasn’t about to let it get broken. I put my heart and soul into this tree. It had became a part of me because the tree represented me. I became a part of this tree and it a part of me. When I had the idea of driving it to New York City it never dawned on me how rough of a ride a Uhaul moving van is. Thankfully my brother in law came up with a system that would keep the sculpture secure in the back of the Uhaul. He attached it to a pallet and then boxed it in between the wheel wells. Finally he secured it by attaching a 2×4 to each side.

The trip was only suppose to take 10.5 hours. The client wanted it at their location at 5pm. I made sure to leave enough time for stops, etc. I had tried to fall asleep the night before but with the nerves and excitement I wasn’t able to. So I left for NYC with only 4 hours of sleep in 48 hours. I left at 4am. About 5 hours into my trip I started to become very sleepy to the point where I struggled to keep my eyes open. I did everything possible to stay awake including blaring the music and turning the air on full blast. Anyone who’s driven on highway 80 through Pennsylvania knows that the terrain is very hilly and rough. Imagine driving on it when you’re majorly sleep deprived. On top of all the hills there are many drop offs. It got to the point where I couldn’t even look at them as they made me seasick.DSCF8390

Around the fifth hour I was pulled over by a cop. He said I had went over the white line and wanted to make sure I was okay. He ended up being really cool but it just added to the nerves of the trip. Anyone who has ever driven a Uhaul knows it’s like driving a boat.

I had downed a red bull, a Starbucks cold drink and several Mountain Dews in the hopes that it would keep me awake. About into the seventh hour I went into this sleep deprived state where I felt like everything around me was warped. It was like I was on this major trip. It felt like the mountains were coming at me both in fast forward and slow motion all at once.

Towards to what I thought was the end of the trip I started to count down the hours. I counted down the hours to help comfort me. The last two hours I started to become so tired I wasn’t sure I could make it but I knew they were expecting me and I couldn’t let them down. So I continued to push through.

Eye of the Tiger came on the radio and it helped give me the steam needed to finish the trip. I finally got to New Jersey during rush hour mind you. At this point I was so tired that I was wired. I continued to count down the time until Manhatten came into sight.

Finally I could see the city. I wasn’t ever so happy to see a city landscape. It was around 5pm when I drove into the city limits, so you can imagine how crazy it was. The traffic went from a slow pace to a crawl. I was stuck in a traffic jam. I was only 15 minutes away from my destination and only one mile from my next exit which was the Lincoln tunnel. What I didn’t know that there was an accident up

It took over ten minutes to move .05 of a mile, if that. Anyone that’s driven in a major city knows that traffic jams are inevitable. About an hour into the traffic jam I started to lose hope in getting to my destination in a timely matter. I had already missed my time to drop off the sculpture. At this point I just wanted to get to the dinner that evening with all the artists but as the time crept by I realized there was no way I was going to make it. All of a sudden I hear this bang. Someone rear ended me. I was like great how can this day get any worse. Thankfully there was no damage to the Uhaul and the only damage to his vehicle was to his license plate which was bent in half on the ground. How does one hit a huge moving truck with the brake lights on and stopped???

Finally after four hours in the traffic jam I was back on track. At this point I thought the plan was for me to go to the hotel and drop off the sculpture in the morning but when I contacted the client I was told that it needed to be delivered tonight. I was told if it wasn’t delivered tonight it wouldn’t be in the show. The next thirty minutes I pretty much circled time square over and over in a Uhaul. I was starting to panic. Imagine driving a huge truck at 11pm at night in Time Square. I was sure I was going to hit something or someone. There were people all over. They crossed the streets in mobs like ants out of a ant hill. Eventually I said heck with it and started driving like a mad man.time-squares-at-night-wallpaper-2

I finally made it. I should have known the night wasn’t going to get any easier. Earlier I had a bad feeling. There was one point during the traffic jam where I almost turned around to head home. When I opened the back of the truck the first thing said was it’s not going to fit. I could also tell they really didn’t want to have to move the sculpture. I have always been upfront with them on the size and weight.

We get the sculpture into the main lobby and I’m dumbfounded when I see the elevator. The door was extremely narrow. I honestly never saw an elevator so small. There was some discussion about getting the sculpture into the elevator. Someone suggested leaving it in the lobby. I wish I had pushed for that. I was informed that they learned the day before that the freight elevator was broken.

My sculpture was at least four feet tall and four feet across. The elevator door couldn’t been bigger than three feet across. I suggested angling the sculpture into the elevator. They got the sculpture in the elevator but getting it out was another story. I couldn’t watch them try to get it out. I honestly was done with the whole situation so I sat in the conference room knowing something bad was going to happen. Never in my worst nightmare did I imagine what I would walk into…

Every branch was broken and lying at the base of the sculpture. They had tried to fix it by shoving branches into the wrong holes. They basically decapitated the tree. It was like they dropped it from the top of the building. I was in complete shock. In just a matter of minutes they had destroyed something that took 1500 hours to complete. Until you see the pictures of the demolished piece you can’t begin to understand how badly it was broken. In a sculpture that size a strong foundation and structure is crucial in securing the piece. Individually plastic lenses don’t weigh that much but when you use thousands of them they become very heavy.

Broken Sculpture

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On top of them destroying something I put my heart and soul into I wasn’t treated very well. One of the employees started to take his frustrations out on me, accusing me of lying about being stuck in the traffic jam. I was dumbfounded by the whole situation. If I wasn’t so out of it and delirious I would have never let them put it in that small elevator. After spending over twenty hours in a Uhaul my night ended with them doing the worst thing you can do to an artist. I was told that they could fix it. I didn’t have a lot of faith. We agreed to come back the next day which was the day of the event.

I didn’t get checked into my hotel until 1am. Thankfully my good friend lives in New York City and came over to my hotel. I don’t think anyone would have questioned if I did have a meltdown but I was surprisingly calm. I obviously was upset but I didn’t let it destroy me. Prior to my Mom passing away I would have totally turned into Chicken Little. I posted on Facebook that the breaking of my sculpture didn’t even make my top ten list of bad things that had happened to me. When my friend left I had accepted that my sculpture was destroyed. I had come to terms with the fact that I was going to show a broken piece.

After I had dropped the Uhaul off in the Bronx I headed to the office. I wasn’t sure what I was going to walk into. I had four hours to salvage my piece. The event started at 7pm. Thankfully one of the employees was experienced with construction and offered to help me put it back together. I had used pvc to build the structure. When they broke the piece they not only broke apart the branches they broke the connecting pieces. So you couldn’t just connect pieces anymore because there was big chunks missing.

Thankfully I had packed my glue gun and brought a lot of supplies just in case. If I hadn’t brought my glue gun I’m not sure we could have put it back together because we used the glue to connect the pieces together. After a few hours he was able to rebuild the structure the best he could. There were still three main branches that we couldn’t put back together which left a lot of holes. I had put a lot of effort in creating the shape of the tree.

When I finished the sculpture I was relieved to be done. I had very little energy left in me. I felt accomplished for finishing it but I was also relieved to not have to work on it again. So once again I was forced to give more than I had and rebuild something that took countless hours to create. I got on the floor and began to work my magic which again meant burning myself with that boiling hot glue.

I worked on the sculpture until the very last minute. I did what I could to rebuild it. Most everything on the sculpture had something wrong with it. The wire butterflies were bent out of shape. The iris was broken, so was the dragonfly and girl. Thankfully the damages to the creatures were minor and I was able to fix them.

We had done the impossible and was able to put back together the broken pieces. The salvaged sculpture was a lot more rough and exposed than before. The shape of the tree was also drastically altered. I was relieved to have a finished piece to show. There wasn’t anything else I could do.

Salvaged Sculpture

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The event was amazing. I met so many wonderful people, many who had no idea that earlier that day it was a broken mess. I wove the whole experience into the theme of the piece. It’s not coincidental that of all the pieces that were broken the roots weren’t touched. I was able to weave what happened into the story of the piece which many of the guests at the event were able to connect to. I talked to many people who themselves also had moments in their life when they felt broken. Without the sculpture breaking I’m not sure the impact would have been as strong.

It was very symbolic that the sculpture was broken. The theme of the piece is resiliency, rising above the difficult times in our lives. There have been times in my life that I have felt just like that broken sculpture. When something traumatic happens we are forced to pick up the broken pieces.brokentree14

While I wouldn’t want to relive this experience ever again there is a part of me that is glad that it happened. It was a major confidence boost. I could have given up. I could have thrown a fit. I could have went home with my tail between my legs but I didn’t. I pushed forward and didn’t let anyone stand in my way of getting what I wanted and deserved. There have been many times I have cowered down in defeat. This wasn’t one of those moments. This was my moment of triumph.

Like the tree I was strong. Stronger than anything that ever happened to me. You can cut my branches. You can cut my bark. You can even knock me to the ground. You’ll never reach my roots and I will always rise from the ashes.

I’m not alone. There are so many people out in the world who themselves feel broken. After my Mom died I wasn’t sure I could go on. It felt so broken that I didn’t believe I could be put back together. That’s why my sculpture breaking wasn’t really a big deal because I had already gone through something a million times worse. This was nothing. It was also out of my control. I couldn’t bring my Mom back, neither could I undo my sculpture breaking.

The sculpture breaking just added to the depth of the piece. It multiplied the strength of the piece exponentially. The Tree of Triumph is confirmation that the impossible is possible. We are never truly broken as our soul always remains in tact. No power or force will ever reach that. So say what you want to me, it won’t hurt or affect me.

So many people have been apart of this journey. This has been the best part of this experience. I have received so much love and support it’s lifted me up from depression and my troubles. It has proved that I deserve so much more. Losing sight of your dreams makes for a very dreary world. This journey has proved that our dreams can come true. Just keep moving forward. Even at a snail’s pace you’ll reach your destination. Our trials and tribulations make us into who we are today. I wouldn’t have been able to handle this journey if I walked down an easy road.

Check out my new artist website:

Progress Pictures

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Re-Visions of Art Show in NYC

Last year I was in ArtPrize in Grand Rapids, Michigan. ArtPrize is an international art competition. About a month after the art show had ended I was contacted about a potential commision. I had to submit a proposal of my idea. My design was one of eight selected.

My sculpture named The Tree of Life will be displayed at an art show August 5th in New York City. I’m very excited at the opportunity to show one of my works of art.

I also have a new website for my art. You can view my art and purchase my art.

MarchonFlyerHere is my proposal.treeoflifeupdated

My Guitar Rose showing at ArtPrize Grand Rapids, Mi

I’m very excited in two weeks I will have my first showing of a piece of art at ArtPrize in Grand Rapids, MI Sept 24 – Oct 12!

My guitar rose took over four weeks to complete. I am in the process of adding to the piece by adding a guitar body as the base. I also am recreating the bug creatures because I put them with my Mom when she passed away two years ago. I’m also making a pedestal for the showing as well.

Please help make my dreams come true by helping me fund the finishing of this project. The funds raised will cover the supplies of all the additions, including any travel and installation costs. Below is the link to my kickstarter page, as well as the rewards for funding levels.


$5- Postcard with a personal thank you!
$5- Postcard with a personal thank you!


$20 Professional quality 5x7 photo signed
$20 Professional quality 5×7 photo signed


$30- Ladybug from a guitar tuner key!
$30- Ladybug from a guitar tuner key!


$50- Your chose of butterfly or dragon fly replica.
$50- Your chose of butterfly or dragon fly replica.


$75- Paper rose (size of a real rose) with a wire/guitar string stem. Color of your chose!
$75- Paper rose (size of a real rose) with a wire/guitar string stem. Color of your chose!


$125- Oil painting of Rose
$125- Oil painting of Rose


$250- A smaller replica of the rose sculpture with two bug creatures of your choosing in a small flower pot!
$250- A smaller replica of the rose sculpture with two bug creatures of your choosing in a small flower pot!
  • Vote For My Skull Flower Design on Threadless

    I’ve recently started to focus my energy on my art. My dream has always to have a career where I am able to use my creativity. Threadless is a tshirt company where all the tshirts are design by artists from all over the world.

    My Skull Flower design which I created for the Tattoo design challenge on Threadless will be up for voting for the next seven days. Help get my design printed by scoring a 5 on my design.

    Please give my design a 5 scored. Thanks

    Please give my design a 5 score. Thanks

    Vulnerability and Shame

    Shame isn’t a new topic for me. As a sexual abuse survivor it is a feeling that I am all too familiar with. For many years I felt an immense amount of shame over what had happened to me, as if I were some how responsible for the action. I worked hard to no longer feel the same level of shame as I once did though I am sure I still have remnants left deep down inside.

    I hadn’t really thought about shame until I watched a motivational speech by Brenè Brown, Ph.D., LMSW is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work.

    One of the messages in her speech was this idea that shame was the unspoken reason behind people not connecting to others. Brown had extensively studied shame by interviewing hundreds of people. She found a distinctive difference between those who had as strong sense of love and belonging, and those who struggled with it. The only variable she found was that those who have a strong sense of love and belonging, believe they are worthy of love and belonging.

    She goes on to say that the fear of not being worthy of connection, keeps us from connecting to others. That if others see or know our vulnerabilities and imperfections deep inside us then we won’t be worthy of connection.

    Those who fully embrace vulnerability are the ones who able to live their lives more whole heatedly.

    The group that Dr. Brown studied that lived their lives with a sense of belonging had three main attributes; Courage, Compassion and Connection.

    They had the courage to tell their story of who they are with their whole heart. They had the courage to be imperfect. They also had the compassion to be kind to themselves first, then to others next. Finally they had connection. They are able to connect due in part to their own authenticity.  They have been able to let go who they think they should be and be their authentic selves.

    Brenè Brown also stated that vulnerability is at the core of shame, fear and struggle for worthiness… As well as the birthplace of joy, belonging, creativity and love…

    Those try to deflect the vulnerability do so by numbing out the feelings, which is something I am very familiar with. She went on to say that when you numb all the unwanted feelings and vulnerability, you also numb out all the good feelings like joy, happiness, love, etc. You can’t selectively numb feelings. Eventually numbing out vulnerability turns into a very dangerous cycle.

    During her speech she talks about finding out why and how we numb?

    She also talked about the persistent need to make everything that is uncertain certain. Another thing I can relate to. The unknown has always scared me. Rather than face it head on, I usually avoid it like the plague. I pretend that it does not exist. Almost always the avoidance comes back to haunt me, even bigger and scarier than ever before. To the point where I don’t have a choice but to deal with it.

    I have repeated the same cycle so many times that my the wheels on my stationary bike have blown, causing me to catapult off the stand and crash into the nearby wall. You can only repeat the same thing over so many times before even you get tired of the repetitiveness.

    Hearing Brenè Brown speak really resonated with me deeply on many different levels and issues. So much that millions of little light bulbs kept igniting as I watch her speech on my phone and ever since then my mind has been in gear thinking deeply about shame, vulnerability  being seen and everything else in between.

    All of these topics are core issues that I have dealt with most of my life, certainly all my adult life. Connection is something I yearn for but it is also something that I am most fearful of.

    There was a time when I didn’t believe that I was worthy of love and belonging. These feelings were so deep and torturous that the negativity seeped out into my personal life. Probably the happiest I have ever been was when I lived in Chicago from 2004-2oo5. All my life I had been searching for deep connection and I finally found it.

    It was also the first time I started look at the core of the sexual and spiritual abuse. These two years were some of the best and worst times in my life.

    I finally had the group of friends that I was able to connect with on a spiritual level. I had the most friends I had ever had. I was living the life I had always dreamed of.  I also had a great job with the most wonderful boss ever. Someone who saw me for who I was and the strengths I possessed. On top of that I had an amazing therapist who was more like a mentor to me. I was able to see a glimpse of happiness and who I was meant to be but it was all too much.

    I let fear and shame take a hold of me causing me to run. I ran like the wind, fast and far. Ever since then I would take small steps into the light to only get scared back into the dark. I couldn’t handle the vulnerability because I didn’t realize that they were actually my strengths.

    All this time I believed the opposite of what was true. The biggest lie was that I didn’t deserve love or happiness. I internalized the abuse and took it on, and became it. I thought there was a reason why someone like me who had a pure heart would get abused/hurt. In my head I had convinced myself that someone who is good/pure wouldn’t be abused. That only bad children are sexually and spiritually abused. I didn’t realize that bad things happen to good children all the time. Early on I developed this belief that I wasn’t worthy of love, care or belonging. All I was worthy of was abuse, pain and hate.

    Vulnerability scares me, frightens me to the core. Getting hurt leaves you very vulnerable. When you have it happen a number of times you start to fear vulnerability. You do everything you can to avoid getting hurt, even if it means not finding happiness. It is better to go without, then potentially get hurt right? That is what I thought for years. For years I lived in fear. Stayed in isolation over the fear of getting hurt again. It felt like one more heart break would send me over the edge. What I didn’t realize that living a life without risk also kept me from the one thing I needed, and that being love.

    So granted I wasn’t getting hurt anymore but I found myself just as miserable, if not even more.

    The problem is that I have been running for over 18 years from city to city. I have stopped running but I am left with very little. I have very little to my name. I have friends all over the country and over 300 Facebook friends but very few that I see frequently in person. I miss the connection.

    Losing my Mama has taught me how fragile life is and not to take anything for-granted. I still am fearful and isolating but I want to change. A dear friend of mine who I met during my Mom’s struggle with Cancer recently was hospitalized. I found myself in this frozen fearful state. I was so afraid of losing her.

    Other than my close immediate family I haven’t gotten close to many people because I am so afraid of losing them. I still fear that, especially after my Mama dying. I now realize that staying away for that reason only leaves you with regret when something does happen and they are physically taken away by death.

    I am learning to embrace vulnerability and am coming to realize that its apart of life. I am also realizing that vulnerability will not kill me like I previously had felt. Vulnerability is also something that can’t be controlled.

    Sharing my story on this blog makes me feel very vulnerable but I know that it is important to share my heart with the world. I know what it is like to experience what I have and to feel you are alone. I know that there are so many who continue to go through what I have. I can bring something good to my bad experiences. Being my authentic self will help liberate others by having the courage to do so as well.

    Like Brown says, vulnerability is the birthplace of joy, belonging, creativity and love…

    It really is. I have lived over twenty years of not being the real me. I can’t do it anymore. I have to let my wings out and fly free. I finally realize that I have a bright light within, that was meant to shine… not hide in a box buried deep within…

    I recently formed this friendship with this wonderful caring man. He has brought me great joy the past few months of getting to know him. He intellectually stimulates me deeply. It has been very refreshing to have someone of the same sex find you interesting and not have it related to sex at all… I know that he sees me for who I am on the inside, and not the outside. I wonder if he realize how much a gift that is to me? For someone who is a sexual abuse survivor it is huge to have a man that sees my heart… It has also been really nice to form a deep friendship with someone and not have my mind go right to sex. When we are together we can talk for hours. Whenever he leaves, I have this feeling that I don’t want him to leave… That is how much I enjoy his company. I can’t remember the last time a man made me feel this way.

    Yes, this new friendship has brought up a lot of vulnerabilities. A few we have actually talked about. I was for sure that he would run for the hills but he didn’t.

    I am learning to just live in the moment and enjoy my time with him.

    That is another thing I have learned by losing my Mama. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff… That is why the grieving process has been so difficult because I want nothing to go out into the world and live life… but I still find myself so frozen in fear.

    The difference is I am allowing myself to feel the vulnerable. I am trying hard to not numb out my feelings. Granted I do still occasionally do so with food but I am learning to overcome even that. I keep moving forward, even if it is one small step at a time.

    I am letting people in. I am also reaching out to people as well. I am allowing myself to be seen. These are just a few of the recent changes for me.

    Being a sexual abuse survivor being seen can be quite the terrifying experience. Dissociating from difficult situations became a coping skill early on and I find myself dissociating from difficult situations in the present. There have been times that I needed to be seen but felt invisible… and then times I wanted to be invisible when I had no place to hide. As an adult I need to realize that I am no longer in that unhealthy situation. I no longer have to hide. I think part of the reason why I hide in the darkness because it was when I was in the light that I was hurt so deeply.

    It is very easy to get chained down by your past. No matter how hard you try to out run it or hide, it always seems to find you. I haven’t been able to move on because I haven’t allowed my time to process it. I just kept on running. I finally have realized that my problems always follow me wherever I go. I didn’t allow my wounds to heal, I just covered them up with a bunch of weight. I must open my wounds back up, and allow the pain to seep out. Only then will I be able to finally heal and move on. I have to stick around and bear the uncomfortable, and all the vulnerable feelings that surface. Granted there are days I just want to run, I realize that I have to stick it out…

    Which is what I am doing with the grieving process. While the past two months have been filled full of crippling grief, I still have hope.

    During our time in Nashville we encountered so many amazing people. My eyes were opened up to see that there are caring people left in this world. I have a place in this world.

    For the longest time I didn’t feel I could show people my gifts and abilities, over the fear they would be scared. I also have stopped believing that my strengths are weaknesses.

    Yes in life there is a lot of things that are uncertain. Losing my Mama didn’t help with that but I realize these are things that I can’t control. There are no guarantees in life, so we have no other choice but to live our lives to the fullest.

    I am learning to do that one moment at a time while embracing the many vulnerabilities and imperfections that life has to offer.

    “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

    Marianne Williamson

    I have played small due to the insecurities of others around me, and have learned the hard way that it doesn’t serve anyone. Ms. Williamson is correct that it is my light that frightens me the most. We are all children of God. We are all meant to shine. I have been liberated by others who let their lights shine so courageously. Who are you not to be fabulous, talented, brilliant, gorgeous and everything wonderful that life has to offer?

    And as Walt Disney said:

    I am going to (We) keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.


    Cut into, tumor removed

    Virus a hold of her body

    Constant beeps, ticks and noises

    Tubes here, tubes there, tubes everywhere

    There lies the woman I once knew

    Peacefully asleep

    Bandaged, bruised and bleeding

    I await for the day when she awakes

    Where is the switch

    That will bring my frankenmom back to life

    A lighting bolt is all it will take

    But all I keep hearing are those beeps going beep beep beep…

    Afib, bp, and oxygenation

    Have all become common terms

    Fevers become the constant norm

    Doctors speak, as I nod and stare blankly in return

    I hear what they are saying

    But can’t comprehend a single word

    Constantly riding a roller coaster

    Where you just wait for the bottom to fall out

    Wandering the hallways, they all look the same

    Feeling out of your mind

    Floating in midair

    When they cut out the cancer,

    They cut out my heart

    Trapped in a hospital room

    Watching in fear

    Surrounded by strangers

    Who toss my mom around

    Like she is a ragdoll

    Poking and prodding my frankenmom

    Like she is a guinea pig

    During which my frankenmom can’t say a word

    She can’t yell or scream, or tell them to stop

    and neither can I…

    Frozen I watch her body wither

    Frail and weakened by time

    While a machine pumps her full of air

    Like she’s a hot air balloon

    How I wish we both could just float away

    To a place where there were no beeps, sickness or pain

    But there we both lie paralyzed

    They tell me there is no hope

    That she will surely die

    All I can see is the woman I love

    Not the body that lays battered and torn

    Filled full of tubes and IV’s

    Covered in bed sores

    This can’t be my Mother

    A woman once so full vibrant and full of life

    Then who is this shell of a woman?

    Her hair matted down

    No longer the way she loved her hair styled

    Her skin pale and puffy

    With her fingernails bare

    A tube down her throat

    Her eyes in a blank stare

    I lay at her bedside

    Holding her cold hands

    Instantly transformed into her little boy again

    So scared and looking for comfort

    I look in her eyes

    and there is my Mother

    Finally I am able to look past all the tubes, doctors and machines

    If only I was Superman

    But alas I don’t have the power to save her

    My frankenmom’s body is tired and ready to rest

    No amount of lightning will be able to bring her back to life

    Paralyzed by sorrow

    Deep in shock

    They tell me she’s dying

    Slowly her heart stops to beat

    As her organs give out

    While her tubes are removed

    And the machines are turned off

    Her body lays still

    Her lungs don’t make a sound

    Silence is in the air

    As a downpour of tears falls upon her body

    I hold onto the shell of my Mother

    With all dear might

    I pray this is all just some horrible nightmare

    That I will surely awake

    But my eyes are wide open

    And this is my new reality…

    A hole in my heart

    Spirit has cracked

    Shaken and battered

    Falling apart

    I still hear the beep, beep, beep

    Pick up the pieces

    Sew them back together

    One stitch at a time

    Now I am the frankenson

    Awaiting for my bolt of lightning

    That will bring me back to life…