Calgon take me away…..

I’m not going to lie I want this all to go away, the pain… the grief… the unbearable feeling that this isn’t ever going to be okay… feeling like it’s the end of the world.

I constantly feel like someone is stabbing me in the gut. I just want to scream. I want to run… far away…

I’m angry… at everyone… God particularly. People bug the hell out of me lately, I constantly want to punch people in the voice box… lol ūüôā but seriously my emotions are all over the map. Commercials devastate me.

Nothing seems logical or right. My mom’s death and illness feels like a dream. Yet it’s been almost a year and she hasn’t returned from that mythical place I think she is… My mind tells me that she’s on an extended vacation to some faraway land.

It feels like our family has crumbled apart and now I’m alone.

I want to die, yet I am still here. Suffering in silence. When the world keeps spinning. For so many years it was preached down my throat that I was going to HELL… well I don’t have to pack any bags because I already am there.

I feel like crawling into a hole… and never coming out.

Comfort. I need it. desperately. Relieve my symptoms. Relive the pain. over. over. over. over. over. over. over. over. over. over. over. over. over. over. over. over. over. over. over. over. over. over. over. over.

 

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