So I have been trying to become more healthier since January this year and I have been very successful, losing over 80 pounds. Up until my emotional breakdown in May, I really did a good job of staying on track. There were times that my emotional state was low and I still stayed on track in regards to my eating habits.
Ever since my breakdown I have struggled to stay on track and lately I have stayed off track for long periods of time. Plus I have started to care less about over eating and going over my daily calorie intake, which really worries me because that is how I always fall off the wagon. Twice during the past few weeks I have went days not watching my calorie intake and going clearly over my limit. The first time the time span was six days. This week I have been off my diet since Wednesday.
I have awaken something within me that has turned off my will power and I am struggling to turn it back on. I have gained some weight back and I find myself getting discouraged by that. I am also having problems with legs again, especially my one knee. I think one of my issues that my food choices while I am dieting are limited. I have been living off Smart One’s Chicken Fettuccini meals and as much as I love them, it is getting old. With my depression I find it difficult to prepare a big meal.
I have also noticed craving Pepsi more. Wednesday I had a very strong urge to have Pepsi, the strongest yet to date. I ended up getting a 24 ounce can, though I really wanted to get a one liter. So I am still showing constrain and that’s good. In the past Pepsi is my gateway of giving up on my dieting, so I have to be very watchful of this. I am also eating pizza more often, which is another indicator. Whenever I get pizza it usually means going over my calorie limit, which is fine if it is on occasion.
I am worried because I don’t want to gain all my weight back. I know that it is common to take some step backwards, especially since I have been living so unhealthy for all of my adult life. I can handle the back steps because so far I always keep moving forward but what worries me is this feeling of not caring about overeating and going over my calorie count. That frightens me big time!!!
I have realized that how I feel about myself correlates to my choices and behaviors. The less I feel about myself, the less will power I have. My goal this week is to put up positive keywords all over my living space downstairs, to help encourage me. I also need to brainstorm and come up with new ideas for food.
I also need to push myself more, especially when it comes to physical activity… which is going to be tough with my hurt knee. I don’t have a choice, it is something I have to do…
Monday I am going back on track. I know they say it takes a good year to change a habit, so I just have to hang tight and expect this ride is going to get bumpy at times… and occasionally my cart will veer off the track!!!