Distractions

Lately I notice I have a lot of distractions in my life. I guess in a whole I have let things distract me all my life. Mainly other people’s views and feelings of me or what I thought was so. Rather than use that distraction as fuel, I used it as a weight… to hold me down. While I am working on overcoming these challenges I have also noticed other distractions that keep me from doing what I was meant to do.

1. I watch way too much television. Recently I have thought about limiting my television time. Ground myself, literally.

2. My phone. I notice that I am attached to the hip with my android phone. When you go out to dinner with people do you ever notice how often/many people use their phones? It has become a way of life. When I don’t have my phone I feel lost. I hate to even admit that.

3. Food!!! This is a big distraction for me, especially if I am feeling down. If I have food around me I will eat it. I am an emotional eater so food plays too big of a role in my life. I need to learn the whole eat to live concept, rather than live to eat.

4. Gay social networking sites. Often times I find myself feeling less after using them. I often wonder why I keep these sites? Rarely do I make any meaningful connections from them. Often times I can’t even get anyone to talk back to me. Finding a friend, let alone a boyfriend, seems like finding a needle in a haystack. Plus it can also lead to the other distraction, sex… and that is never a good thing for me. Going down that road isn’t for me and won’t bring me what I need or want.

5. Facebook. I am sure many people probably could list this one. I rely too much on Facebook for connection, not that there isn’t anything wrong with that. I just think I should branch out to other methods for doing so. Again at times I find myself feeling down, especially if no one responds to something meaningful I posted. I take things way to personal.

6. My “negative” inner voice. This one can really drag me to the ground. The more depressed I feel the louder and stronger this voice is. As I start to heal and feel better, the harder it tries to pull me under. I am learning to strengthen my positive inner voice. Sometimes you just have to talk back to yourself and say it isn’t so. See talking yourself can be a good thing especially if you are giving yourself positive reinforcement! I am learning that I have the courage to stand up to all my negative thoughts.

7. Discomfort. I need to learn to tolerate uncomfortable feelings. I have to push through them. I have a tendency to feel discomfort and I quickly will try to fix it. Usually I go towards what is more comfortable but I have learned just because it is comfortable it doesn’t make it safe. I also need to learn to tolerate discomfort with trying to be more healthy. For example tolerating hunger pains and cravings to eat unhealthy. Same goes for my body as I try to get more active.

8. Personalizing everything. This is probably my tragic flaw, my biggest downfall in life. I take everything personal. Everything that anybody has ever said or done to me had something to do with me. Please I don’t have that much pull in the universe. Even if it has to do with me, so what? I have worked hard on overcoming this but still find myself personalizing things. I think in the past I personalized things as a way to cope. Like why did these bad things happen to me? I couldn’t think of a logical reason, so it must have been because I was a bad person. I am an adult now. Bad things happen because of bad people and it has no reflection on the person they hurt. Wow, I am not sure if I have ever said that out loud, or at least in type… As I work on this and tell myself to not personalize what ever I am trying to do, it really helps me to feel better.

9. My fears. Often times they cripple me. The keep me from being happy. They are the main reason I isolate because I am afraid of getting hurt. It is my light, not my darkness, that scares me the most because it is in the light where I am most visible. When I hide from the world, I am also hiding from myself.

10. I am my own distraction. My own worst critic. The real person standing in my way, is me. Sure other people have hurt me and caused me pain but I have kept myself in that world. I don’t allow the wounds to heal because I haven’t felt like I deserved them to. Well the time has come for my wounds to heal and I need to stop allowing myself to be cut back open. I am no longer that injured butterfly, my wings have been minded… it’s time to fly… I am my own protector. All this time I have been waiting for someone to come rescue me. I now realize that it is going to be me! Time to pack up my bags and take the first flight to paradise! I no longer have to live in that bad place, that is the past.

Well that is plenty.  I really need to work on limiting my distractions because they keep me from being more productive and ultimately keep me from my authentic self. Rather than watch tv for hours, I could be painting, writing, etc. It is one thing to just relax but another thing to numb out in these activities, which I have a tendency to do.

Does anybody else notice that they get distracted too easily or often? Has anyone made a conscious effort to overcome distractions?

For me it is about becoming more aware of my surroundings and what I allow into my world. Being conscious of what I digest by my mouth, eyes and ears. I am learning to embrace who I am. Breaking away from the mold of what others see me as, including myself.

This is my time to embrace the person I was born to be. A caring spiritual person filled full of creativity and love. I was meant to shine, not lack luster. So I am going to keep going… moving forward like that little engine that could.. Keep puffing up that mountain saying “I think I can” until I get to the top and then it will be smooth sailing from there out. Think will turn into know… know into believe… and nothing will be able to stop me then. I am not there yet but I will be soon enough.

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One thought on “Distractions

  1. You’re such a beautiful soul and wonderful writer! Thank you for bravely sharing your innermost thoughts and encouraging me and others in the process. I can relate to so much of what you wrote, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels that way! I’ve been struggling with my weight and spending so much energy on feeling down about my appearance…then this morning I read about a friend’s 20-something son who had a nightmarish esophageal removal. You just can’t mindlessly drink a cup of coffee after thinking about what kind of life that would be. :.( I got on my knees to thank God for my esophagus and every other part of me that works, and boy did my size not seem so important then! Yes we’ve had trials and you’ve endured an unimaginable loss, but we still have so much to live for, and God still has us in the palm of His hand. I really believe it’s when we stop looking inside and look up instead that He can do His best work in us. ❤ I love you! xoxo

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