Being In Love

The last few nights I have been watching gay love stories on Netflix, which probably isn’t the best idea being that I have been very lonely lately. Watching two men fall in love is so beautiful to me. To watch the tenderness between two human beings who love each other is a magical thing. Granted it all fiction but I know that the stories are based on realities and love does exist.

Tonight I watched a foreign film called Weekend. This movie was about two men who happen to fall for each other after they have a supposed one night stand. Watching this movie reminded how much I miss being in love. It also reminded me of the times I have been in love or like of someone, and how magical it feels.

When you are love, anything is possible. There is this feeling you get where you feel free like a bird. Love has no limits. No boundaries.

Love changes everything.

I have been in love. Loved someone so deeply that I would go to the ends of the earth for that person but I don’t feel like I have ever had it returned.

I also know what it is like to lose that love. How heartbreaking it is. To give someone your heart, to only have it returned. It is gut wrenching. Each time you get hurt, it doesn’t get any easier. Each time you get hurt the ghosts of your past surface as reminders of what you have endured. It is enough to make you not want to venture down the river of love in the fear you will drown.

My last attempt to date was very nightmarish. While the wounds were deep it allowed me to see who I was and the love I had to give. After my last boyfriend, I lost who I was. I closed up shop in my heart and hid the key very well. The experience with this guy allowed me to find the key again. Even though the experience left me with hurt and reminded me of all my pain, I finally had a glimpse of the person who I use to be.

Love is wonderful. Love comes in many different forms. Love is like the universe, as it goes on forever.

In a world where love isn’t always embraced it is always refreshing to see two people in love.

That feeling you get when you have to leave the one you love, this deep aching disconnection that just makes you want to cry. The turn backing back as you walk away, for one more glance. Waking up in the middle of the night and watching the one you love sound asleep. Being sicker than a dog, and being taken care of by the one who loves you. These are all wonderfully magical.

That feeling you get when you hear those three magical words… I love you… Three words with so much depth, meaning and power.

Love is perfect but people are not. This is certainly something I have come to realize. Losing my Mother has taught me to cherish every moment, don’t pass anything by. Feelings do matter and never hold back because when it is too late you will wish you had said the important things.

Take risks. Risk getting hurt. When you’ve kissed your last frog you will know.

I still believe in true love but the love I yearn for is the love that grows in time. I want the man of my dreams to be my best friend as well as my lover.

My desperation for love in the past clouded my judgment. I was such in a rush, in the fears it would end, that I didn’t always allow things to happen naturally. Love can’t be forced.

Love is like a flower. You also can’t get a flower to grow from a weed. You also can’t speed up the blooming process. If you smoother your seedling with water and sunlight, the love will surely die. With gentle, tender care the seed will eventually blossom into something pure and full of life.

Yes, I have been hurt. Many of those wounds have healed, while some still remain. Heart break has allowed me to grow and has helped shape me into the person I am today. It has also made me realize the importance to taking the time to get to know someone. Enjoy each moment to the fullest. When you rush, you pass by cherished time.

In the past I might have settled but I no longer will do that. I realize who I am and what I deserve. I am also learning to not take it personal when someone can’t return what I give them. It was never a reflection on who I am but who they are and/or where they are in life.

I have a big heart and the capacity to give someone my everything. That is a gift and I know there is someone out there that will see my heart as a treasure and a gift. Someone who will keep my treasure safe in their hands and will go to the ends of the earth to protect our love.

 

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