I use to be very artistic. I took Art during all four years of High School. I painted, drew and even made sculptures. I was also involved with theatre and music. At some point during my early twenties I stopped creating.
It was probably around 2000 when I first started to deal with the sexual abuse, though it probably started even earlier than that.
I have really struggled getting back into my creative side, the energy just wouldn’t flow. Then I realized the cause, my creativity is tied to my spirituality. As well as my self worth, heart and soul… I also think there is a part of me that believes I don’t deserve these gifts that God gave me, that is where the self worth comes into play.
The above painting was my first oil painting that I had completed. The only other time I dabbled in oil was in 2005 but I never finished that piece. Previously I had only painted in water color and acrylic. I felt a sense of accomplishment to finish this painting. Even though still life wasn’t the most exciting thing I could do, I really got into painting it.
I was rather nervous taking this painting class, as it meant pushing myself but I learned it is just like riding a bike. At first you are a little shaky but eventually it becomes natural.
I am learning to embrace my creative side, which writing is one part of it. I still struggle with motivation. I need to spend more time on my art, rather than do other things. I hope to one day to be able to embrace it fully. I would love to have my own art studio. It is something to work towards.
Art is also very therapeutic. I need to remember that during my times of stress and depression. I need to turn to my creative side as a way to cope. I have also learned that my art is a way for me to do what I love and give back to others.