Having self control…

I really struggle with this, especially when it comes to food and eating. I cope with my feelings, emotions and problems by eating. Food has become a crutch in my life, it is falsely holding me up. I know it is only a matter of time before the crutches are kicked out from under me e.g. diabetes, heart disease, etc… 

For as long as I can remember I have looked to external forces to comfort me. Rather than look inward, I would reach out to things outside of my body to medicate the pain. Fifteen years later I am 400 pounds and struggle walking. This is not the person I want to be. I don’t have a choice if I want my life to get better. As much as I don’t want to, I have to start watching what I eat. 

I am sure many people can admit that it is very difficult changing old patterns. My eating has gotten so out of control that I no longer know when I am full. Often times I will eat myself into oblivion. A stomach ache should be a sign of being full but even that doesn’t always stop me. 

Food use to satisfy me but now it doesn’t. 

If my Mom can quit smoking after over 30 years, I can do this. I will admit I am not thrilled at the idea of counting my calories or in this case points but I am tired of being limited and in pain. 

Loving yourself goes hand to hand. I am learning to do that too. I need to think about my choices and think to myself, will this help or hurt me? Is what I am about to do a sign of loving myself or hating myself? When you don’t care about yourself you are willing to put yourself in harms way, whether it be physical or mentally. 

A food additional has to be one of the toughest to overcome. Unlike smoking, alcohol or drugs you eventually can go without those vices. Food you don’t have that luxury, you must eat to live… and there comes the next issue of mine. I live to eat. I certainly have come a long ways. I am still protective of my food but I have learned to share. I use to never share my food.

Food has been my friend for many years but it is time to change that relationship. One that is more healthy, where I get my needs met.

I must remind myself that I am infinitely strong and can do anything I put my mind to. I need to push through these can’t or won’t attitudes. They are only holding me back. That is why I am pushing myself and choosing to be more healthy. 

Moderation is the key. Balance is as well. Now that I think of it, that might be the bigger picture. My life is out of balance and I am working on becoming more centered and grounded. Support is also important. Thankfully my sister and her husband are going on Weight Watchers too! 

We all must do whatever it takes to heal. I am a warrior and won’t let anything stand in my way of happiness. Those days are over!!!


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